I do not know which way to turn

[jc2]

Needless to say the festive season has been very difficult.  My partner has been lashing out at me for days.  I worked hard to enable her visitors to be here and in my view provided thoughtful care for her to support some difficult things she had to deal with.  However, today she has been in bed most of the day and I think felt bad about that although I thought she needed to do that.  We began to talk about different things and I felt she was letting some people walk all over her and tried to encourage her to be clear about what she needed in order to not let that happen so much.  It did not take her long to start being aggressive towards me and completely misconstruing what I was saying.  I tried to call time out but she became even more abusive and I suggested she went out for a bit which sometimes works.  I suggested we talk in a bit but instead she has made a big scene and stormed out dumping responsibility on me for everything and refusing to talk.  This means she tries to leave me with as much anxiety and 'not knowing' as possible.  I think she was also upset as she was talking abut an expensive holiday and I simply cannot afford this - I had not said so but she may have sensed my reluctance to join in yet another irresponsible spending of money.

I simply cannot keep working this hard at things and having so much destructiveness and exhausting emotional intensity by her - but do not know which way to turn.  

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[Perdita]

We began to talk about different things and I felt she was letting some people walk all over her and tried to encourage her to be clear about what she needed in order to not let that happen so much.  It did not take her long to start being aggressive towards me and completely misconstruing what I was saying.

Who are these people that walk all over her?  Specific people or people in general?  This has been a HUGE issue with my BPD bf over the years. It involves one specific family in his case.  I find it impossible to discuss with him as he also blows up when I do.

[jc2]

Thank you for your reply.  It varies really - often her mother, sometimes her daughter, sometimes neighbours.  She is very wound up by neighbours who do not respect the boundaries of our property and sometimes by things that are difficult for anyone to tolerate.