Elderly mother with BPD and Alzheimers

[Zillie]

Hello.  I'm new here and would like to introduce myself.  I'm in my early 50s and semi retired. My Mum is 78 and, in my opinion, has undiagnosed BPD and diagnosed Alzheimers. She also had a stroke in 2016 but for the he most part has recovered well. I have 2 sisters who live out of town and no other family in the town where my Mum and I live. She does not live with me but is a mere 5 minutes away.  My biggest struggle currently is not knowing if my mum is being deliberately manipulative to get people to visit and help her more or if her paranoia really is getting worse.  It's very confusing. I care about her very much as do my sisters but we are trying to do our due diligence to involve outside agencies which my mum resists every time. We do not have POA.

[Turkish]

I'm in California.  I involved Adult Protective Services which resulted in a social worker being assigned to my mother.  Several "civilians" were aghast by her living conditions. Eventually the county made it so she could not return to her home and property unless she met certain conditions to fix it up to be livable. As the SW said, "your mom is not capable of meeting those conditions."

What do you think about POA, would you be open to it?

[sweetheart]

Hi Zillie

If your mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, my experience with it from my grandma is that in the early stages the person with it often knows something is off and may realise she needs more help. Alzheimer’s is also a progressive disease so your mothers symptoms will be increasing as her memory deteriorates.  Paranoia is indeed very often a symptom of Alzheimer’s , my grandma became increasingly more paranoid about being burgled. She was obsessed with locks and cracks in external doors as she deteriorated. It’s a horrible disease.

Going forward she will must definitely need additional support and she will not be able to manage without it. If this is something that maybe is potentially too emotionally triggering for you, then APS like Turkish has already said will go in and assess capacity, risks and vulnerability.

Does she have any support via her family doctor or Alzheimer’s services in your area?