Close former friend with BPD - Seeking support

[Aidan77]

Hi everyone. I've benefited from reading your posts from the past several weeks. I'm wondering if anybody else here is in the same boat as me in that the fractured relationship you're grieving is not with a romantic partner or a family member but with a formerly close friend who seems to have suffered from BPD. I wasn't sure if this was the right forum in which to post or not, but would greatly appreciate hearing from anyone in a similar boat or who thinks they can relate.

Thanks!
-Aidan

[Mutt]

Hi Aidan77,

 

We have an active member with an expwBPD friend. I’m gkad that you decided to join the group. It helps to talk to people that can relate with you regardless. It’s hard for people to grasp this complex disorder if they haven’t gone through a similar experience. How long were you friends? Can you walk us through what happened that led you here? I look forward to reading your posts.

[EdR]

Hi Aidan,

I was someone with a very close friendship with a pwBPD. There was a true emotional connection, but after 2,5 years the devaluation started.

In a way it feels quite difficult to have not been romantically involved. It seems to complicate things in a weird way... .especially since there are a lot of people who suggested that the very base of her shift to devaluation could very well have been her developing romantic interest in me. And I did and do truly care about her... .

Could you tell us a little about your story?

[SummerStorm]

Hi Aidan77,

Technically, my pwBPD and I are still friends, I guess, but even today, I honestly don't know where I stand.  Recently, instead of raging on me and telling me to never contact her again, she's just been blocking me without warning, so for all I know, I might be blocked right now.  Last weekend, she emailed me and told me that she doesn't have any other friends.  Probably the hardest thing for me is that I try so hard to be friends with her, to be there for her, to understand where she's coming from, and she just really doesn't seem to care at all. 

Ultimately, over the past 3 1/2 years, we have spent approximately 10 months not talking.  The longest period of time was 4 months.  It's very difficult, if not impossible, to maintain a completely drama free friendship with a pwBPD. 

My friend's social media accounts are filled with comments from old friends, saying things like, "I haven't seen you in forever!  We should hang out sometime."  My friend replies to them with, "Miss you soo much!" and then never takes any steps to see them. 

pwBPD can idealize and devalue friends the same way they can idealize and devalue pretty much anyone or anything.  Their abandonment and engulfment fears can also be triggered by friends. 

You haven't gone into detail about your friendship and why it ended, but ultimately, you need to start thinking about what you will do and/or say if your ex-friend decides to contact you again. 

[Aidan77]

Thanks for your responses. I've known this person for 14 years, considered her a best friend for 10 or so years, she was even in my wedding. We were roommates for a year. We haven't had contact since the beginning of October. There were lots of weird things and signs I kind of ignored all along, then a big falling out this summer.  I'll write more later.

[tiki]

I'm wondering if anybody else here is in the same boat as me in that the fractured relationship you're grieving is not with a romantic partner or a family member but with a formerly close friend who seems to have suffered from BPD.

Hi. I’m in the same boat. I’ve been friends with this person for 9.5 years. We were friends via internet for 6 years. Lost contact at one point for 2 years. And he moved to my neighborhood 1.5 years ago. Things have been bad with him for 2.5 years. Also formerly best friends and very close.

You’re right. There is no friendship category place to post. I keep wanting to clarify that this is a friend not an ex. Anyway, yeah. Same boat.

[EdR]

Hi Aidan!

Sorry to bump your thread, but I am still very interested in your story. I would really like to learn more about the dynamics in your friendship... .your observations... .your theories etc.