BPD wife splitting and left... again

[committedhusband]

So my diagnosed BPD wife left again after the 4th attempt at reconciling our marriage. I set a few boundaries regarding her pot smoking (illegal in our state and I am a federal employee) which she respected. But the problem is with her desperately needing therapy due to her inability to get close in a “safe” relationship and is constantly running back to the chaotic boyfriend. I’m holding true to my boundaries (she’s asking for $$$) and letting her know that I’m here to support her with healthy choices, but cannot keep supporting the insanity of her irrational and impulsive behavior. We were set to have our first marriage counseling session this Thursday, but she flipped on me this past weekend and packed up and left. It’s so much harder when she does this since we have a 3yo little girl and she away goes back to her hometown that is 4 hours away. So we are back to her projecting blame back onto me and how “I’m the crazy one”. This is all stemming from the fact that she noticed I was reading “Stop Walking on Eggshells”. This is the point where she flipped and started pushing away. I’ve asked her in a non confrontational way to please seek therapy, but that doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon.

So my question is am I being a blind optimist or is this a typical pattern that will eventually break at some point? I’m seriously wore out and am almost relieved that she is gone right now. But I do love her and want her to seek help for the sake of our daughter and for herself. Any suggestions or supportive experience anyone could share would be appreciated.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi committedhusband,

I"m sorry that you are going through back and forth behavior with your W. I can imagine how difficult that would be especially when you were so close to starting T.

When she has left in the past, how long was she gone?

[pearlsw]

Hi committedhusband,

Welcome and sorry to hear about the troubles you are having! I understand what it is like to have optimism in the face of some pretty difficult behaviors from one's partner.

Has she ever expressed any interest in getting any help?

My "h" has been off and on about getting help... .things are still up in the air and unpredictable in my case. I am hoping things will resolve soon - either we stay together and things get better, or I put this behind me.

wishing you peace, pearl.