Dealing with a breakup with someone with BPD

[bodhicitta]

My girlfriend of over a year broke up with me a few weeks ago.  After about a year of an intense, beautiful and loving relationship she began to disconnect.  She stopped responding to my texts as much, wouldn't call me on the phone.  I asked her a few times about this and she just said she was sorry and would try harder.  Eventually I went to see her and although we still had a good time there were clear signs she was not as into me as before.  A week or two later she wrote to say that she still loved me, I made her happy, but that something was going on with her and she needs to be free for awhile.  I haven't heard from her since.

She told me initially that she had bipolar and I think BPD or maybe dissociative identity disorder.  She has PTSD and was sexually abused in the past.  I still can't understand how we could go from being so in love to her not wanting to see me.  There are other complications such as she has 5 kids (partial custody which she got later in the relationship) and we don't live near each other.  Despite all that I still want to try and find a way to be with her, if it's possible.  I'm wondering if this sort of behavior is common in people with BPD?  Will she come back to me, and what does she need to be happy?

Thanks

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi bodichitta,

Sadly, what you describe is something we hear a lot around here. Here is some information about relationship recycling that can perhaps give you some insights; https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95860.0

Hopefully others will join us here and share their ideas as well.

I know how painful it can be when someone "could go from being so in love to not wanting to see you." 
I had a boyfriend once who declared "he would never, ever break up with me" and then did so very suddenly and without explanation less than a week later. It made me feel horrible.

Is this your first break up with her?

[bodhicitta]

Yeah this is the first breakup.  I'm not entirely sure she has BPD but seems like she has a lot of the symptoms.  She never really had the anger and rage that I've heard of, but certainly many of the other symptoms.

I understand her wanting to be free and independent because before we got together she was in an unhappy marriage for 17 years, then just months later we got together.  I guess I am just wondering how much of our breakup had to do with her psychological issues, and if there are things I can do to help her or be there for her at some point.  I also wonder how much of our intense love was due to her psychology, it makes me unsure of how real the love was.  It felt real to me.