Self-care: Let's check in

[lighthouse9]

Hey good people,

Just restarting a thread for one Pearl started not too long ago on self care. These are her words:

"So, my feeling is we talk a lot about self-care but we don't always keep up with it.

So, I wanted to ask, what are you doing today in terms of self-care? (I say "today" to bring us to a present awareness.)

How would your rate your consistency with self-care on a scale of 0-5 with 5 being excellent?"

For me, I expect a serious amount of dysregulation over the next two weeks, and it already started this morning when I got to work, even though we made a don't contact each other during the work day rule recently.

So - self-care for the present moment:

1. Sleep: make sure I'm prioritizing getting to bed by a good bed time and though I haven't needed to take a Tylenol PM in weeks, not be afraid to take one if this week's dysregulation starts to interrupt my sleep.

2. Rest when I can: After a rough weekend and then a hard therapy appointment on Monday, I came home exhausted and needing a nap. I don't usually nap, but I let myself, and I was out for two hours. Lately, in my office, I've even been laying out my yoga mat at lunch time and dozing off for 15 minutes just to "rest when I can." Sometimes I can't believe how tired I am, but then I think about the level of crisis that I'm in and can step back and say "of course you're tired!"

3. Eat vegetables: I'm usually really great about nutrition, but lately I've been eating whatever I can whenever I can and counting it as a win that I'm able to stomach things. However, not getting the right micronutrients is definitely catching up. More vegetables this week, less frozen pizza.

4. Embrace distraction: I recently purchased a new instrument have found myself able to tune out for hours at a time when I'm learning how to play it. I have Aspergers and I usually try to tame my ability to get sucked into a special interest, but right now I'm taking my therapist's DBT based advice that distraction is totally ok, especially to bring down high levels of distress.

5. Take walks: I haven't had as much energy to keep to my normal workout routine, but the weather is getting a bit nicer out and walks around the neighborhood have felt really good. I'm going to keep doing this. The fresh air has been so needed.

6. Say no: Knowing that the extreme dysregulation is starting and may not be stopping any time soon, I have to have the ability to say no and frame it for myself as a form of self-care. My boundaries are being tested, so now is a good time to practice saying no and then moving on to either a distraction, walk, or form of rest.

7. Ask for help: I'm getting to that point where I feel like I'm wearing out my support network, so I can feel myself pulling away and not asking for as much support. As much as I'm learning to say no when I don't want to do something, I also need to learn that it's ok to lean on people until they say no, and if they're not saying no, then don't feel like a burden and ask for what I need.

8. Practice self-compassion: This is awful and I didn't see it coming. Having a bit of compassion for myself right now could go a long way.


How about everyone else?

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[isilme]

Oh boy.  I kinda seem to really suck at self-care.  But here's me trying:

1.  Been working on getting rest and trying whatever I can to get past this spate of colds/infections that has lasted pretty much since the holidays.  It's not been easy, but I declined an event this past weekend mostly because I feared the time and travel involved would just set me back on getting over my respiratory health issues.  Usually, I'd feel obligated and go. 

2.  I made a point to sleep as much as I could Saturday, to communicate exactly how poorly I was feeling to H, headaches, head/sinus pain, trouble breathing and chest pain from all the weeks of coughing, and concerns I'd end up with pneumonia if I could not get past this.  He actually insisted I stay in bed/go back to bed at points in the day.  He usually says "stay in bed" but then stomps around or is not quite and then calls me lazy later - he did none of this.

3.  I hired a lawn service for right now.  I hate spending the money, but at the same time, I hate the lawn being knee high.  I usually see yardwork as good exercise and an excuse to get some vitamin D, but I know mowing grass outside in pollen and mold is both beyond my cardio abilities (yes, I am kinda pathetic right now) and would set me back on healing again.  So I broke down and used the "Book of faces" to see if there were any recommendations out there, and found a veteran trying to start up a lawn care service - his quote was more than reasonable, so I am hoping he can get things trimmed today.  I usually beat myself up for not being out there, taking care of the yard, but I am trying to let go of that.

4.  H encouraged me to not hurt myself going to the store my usual day(s) over the weekend, or even last night.  He is a fussy eater and we are out of some things he has at times thrown fits about not having (yay, BPD toddler-dom).  So for him to be agreeable to doing without for a few days is a big thing (I know it sounds small).

5.  I got H to agree to let me use the personal shopper service at the grocery store this week.  I think it embarrasses him, and in our area, there is a tendency for people to be very passive-aggressively judgy and he's worried I just look lazy or privileged to make use of the service.  I'm too tired to walk up and down the aisles though, and feel that it's there for people to use when crunched for time, or unable to get out and run around the store.  So I have placed our grocery order for tonight to pick up. 

6.  Trying a new OTC sleep supplement mix to see if I can work past my sleep maintenance insomnia.  I am pretty sure a lot of my health, migraine, and weight issues are tied to simply not sleeping more than 3-4 hours a night (unless I am in bed for 12 hours, then it's about 6-7 hours of actual sleep).  It's only been a few days, but I don't remember being awake very many times last night.  Tracker says I went from 31% effective sleep Sunday night to 72% effective sleep last night.  Going to see if it's a trend or anomaly.  I still have a terrible recurring headache since last Sunday, but the weather has been nuts here, cold/hot/dry/pouring, so I am sure the barometric pressure is making my head unhappy.

7.  Still going with the weight loss challenge at work - not much to report but my 2-week weigh in showed 1lb lost - at least it did not go up with all my sedentary sick time. 

8.  Has been very mood-swingy but overall (for him) pretty good - he's worried about his health check up today.  I think for him it feels like going to the principal's office and a note's going home to mommy if his A1C is not lower than last time - and he obviously has cancer and kidney failure (eye roll)  I have been trying to validate his fears while at the same time trying to be disengaged from attempts to enmesh  ones I really don't feel concerned about. 

I'm rating myself about a 3 for an honest effort, but certainly got more I can do to take better care of me. 

[Chippy]

Thanks for bringing this up again Lighthouse, it made me realize that my-self care has been really poor lately.

The distraction one is something I am trying (of course it's always important to make sure it's an intentional, temporary distraction, and not actually just avoidance).  I'm trying to find something I can "lose myself" in for a little while, but haven't really had much success... .but still trying.

I'm trying to regularly go on walks because it helps me.  I wasn't going much because it has been cold, but I finally just went out and bought some cold weather clothes and been going walking more.

[Jessica84]

Thanks for the reminder!

I am thinking of going vegan for a month (until crawfish season  . Healthy, fun, and a good distraction. Saw some great recipes. I don't normally cook so bumbling around the kitchen might be fun? Might also be inedible, but that's part of the experience... .

It was a New Year's resolution to try it. I've been dealing with so much BPD stuff, I completely forgot. Time to focus on something positive now... .lookout chickpeas, I'm coming for you!

[Tattered Heart]

5.  I got H to agree to let me use the personal shopper service at the grocery store this week.  I think it embarrasses him, and in our area, there is a tendency for people to be very passive-aggressively judgy and he's worried I just look lazy or privileged to make use of the service.  I'm too tired to walk up and down the aisles though, and feel that it's there for people to use when crunched for time, or unable to get out and run around the store.  So I have placed our grocery order for tonight to pick up. 

I use walmart grocery pick up. My H HATES that I use it. I just remind him that when I go grocery shopping I get very overwhelmed with all the noise and lights and I overspend. Using SET I always let him know that if he would like to do the grocery shopping I could get him a list. That offer usually ends the conversation. I never ever even thought of this as being a part of self care. But it is! (If using this service, just make sure you check your veggies. I've gotten slimy asparagus and soft green peppers before).

lighthouse Thank you for starting this thread. Love it.

I have not been doing very well at self care. The last 2 days I realized that I am very worn out. I feel extremely busy but I'm not really doing anything. I'm not going to bed at my usual time. I'm not taking the time to read. I'm pushing myself to physical limitations. I have tendinitis in my knee that is causing quite a bit of pain but out of fear falling back into no physical activity I've continued working out in ways that aggravate the pain.

Looks like I need to re-arrange my priorities and set up some time just for me.

[isilme]

Tattered,

Usually, while I HATE how people can be at the store, I prefer to go so I can comparison shop and it gets me out of the house and makes me walk.  I also like mowing the lawn, usually, but with allergies, it can lead to making me worse even if the cardio might be a good thing. 

But I am so tired, and while today I finally feel on the "right" side of sick, I am scared to fall back into it.  I know overextending myself is a big problem, so hiring a lawn guy now and then (he did a great job) and using the grocery pre-order pick up are both going to kept as tools when I am tired.  H was in the car with me (MD check up took longer than I planned) and he was a little embarrassed for looking privileged and lazy, but the girl was super nice and it went so fast he was left feeling a little positive about it overall.  Instead of spending about an hour or more in the store, we pulled up and left within 15 minutes, and were on the way for our last stop before getting home.  He is also at the heavy-hard-to-breathe part of the cold I gave him, and so he now understands the tiredness and exhaustion from it and the meds to treat it. 

I guess using the grocery service and lawn service for me is like a pedicure must be for some ladies.  :D