surprising answer

[bluek9]

It's been a couple of days since I've checked in here on the boards. Thanks Feeling Better and Mutt for the replies to my posts. I'm still fighting the cold. We are working with the psychiatrist on my daughters sleep and now on the depression, new meds. I have finished the book I hate you, don't leave me. Very informative. I'm also started another book, was reading it the other day when my daughter asked what I was reading. I told her a book about how to help myself understand her. She left the room, when she came back she said "I have something to say, I'm glad you're working on how to understand me maybe it will help us both". WOW, I was so surprised and happy.
    The last two weeks have held many small changes, all of which I'm so grateful for. First the housekeeper, what a load off my shoulders, then my daughter actually offering to make dinner- doing it and not destroying the kitchen in the process, then her willingness to work with the doctor and no this answer to me about my working on learning new ways to deal with and understand her.
      Mutt in response to your question and suggestion about radical thought process. I have known for many years since my college days of becoming a chemical dependency counselor; stress is a killer! I run about 98% of self care, of course there are days I don't feel up to it. I'm into exercise, walking and weights for my stress relief. My exercise is one of the boundaries I'm not willing to compromise on. The radical thinking of accepting my daughter for who she is is not new to me. I know there have posts here where I share my anger, confusion, pain and hope. I apologize if that came through as non acceptance of her. She is my only daughter I love her with all that I am. My feeling is that if I don't accept her for who she is then I'm inflicting more pain on her. I can never let go of hope for a more peaceful life for her, I feel that sometimes hope is all we have. I know I never be able to change her mental illness but, I can change myself and the world in which she lives. Thanks everybody for being here for me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi bluek9,

I won’t compromise working out either   my gf complains that I’m selfish she’s struggling with committing to her routine I think that she’s jealous.  Good for you that you’re taking of yourself and I understand that it can be hard to take care of ourselves if we’re feeling mentally depleted for example.

There’s no need to apologize you have a right to feel the way that you do. Radical acceptance takes time you might want to look up Marsha Linehan Radical Acceptance for all of the steps. Utilize this forum to vent, there’s venting without problem solving and there’s venting and you are problem solving. Radical Acceptance from my personal experience is coming to peace with circumstances for people in, its coming to terms with it believe me I get frustrated at times with my uBPDw.

I’m glad to hear that your D likes how your working together. A pwBPD need compassionate people on their side you might to read Valerie Porr’s book Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change

[bluek9]

Hi Mutt, thanks for the reply. I am reading that book right now, just started so haven't gotten to far yet. Yes I will look up Marsha Linehan. Thanks for supporting me in the venting with problem solving. In my professional life I've always been a supervisor. I've also always let people vent, complain, b**ch. I also always said that if you have a complain you better also have a suggestion on how to make it better, or at the very least be willing to brain storm. One of the many reason I love this board so much is that everyone is so willing to share, it's a wealth of information. Leaves me free to pick and choose what I want to try, and then share back how it worked. I'll definitely let you know how the book goes and what I learn from the radical acceptance.