POLL: How do you respond to false accusations?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,
Last night I’ve been subject of false accusations, going round with no exit. Then we had an half reconciliation, but it is no over. All of a sudden last night I was a cheater, no proof or reason of thinking so( for his own admission), but still surely I must be a cheater. So, because of that I’ve been told we cannot have sex anymore and that he wants to be alone, although he vas was hugging.
I wonder what to do and how do you people react to something like that. Tonight we’ll probably be apart and I feel punished for something I’ve never done.
So what’s the best way of coping?
Hope your day is good!

[L_london]

Hello,
Last night I’ve been subject of false accusations, going round with no exit. Then we had an half reconciliation, but it is no over. All of a sudden last night I was a cheater, no proof or reason of thinking so( for his own admission), but still surely I must be a cheater. So, because of that I’ve been told we cannot have sex anymore and that he wants to be alone, although he vas was hugging.
I wonder what to do and how do you people react to something like that. Tonight we’ll probably be apart and I feel punished for something I’ve never done.
So what’s the best way of coping?
Hope your day is good!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JoeBPD81]

Hi there,

there's no easy answer. We would need one for every ocassion.

Reasoning and even presenting evidence doesn't work.

False accusations hurt a lot, and the rejection that follows, even more.

I think one short answer is needed. "I'm not cheating, and I have no intention of doing it". And then walk away or wait for it to pass.

It will surely come back, but arguing just makes it worse. You can have false accusations + fight. Or only false acussations.

Those accusations are offensive. If not abusive. And your goal is to not be exposed to that.

Let's say your SO has a nervous tic, he suddently lifts his arm. If you are around, he would slap you, accidentaly. He can't help it, but you can give him a step when the  tic manifests, and not be slapped. If he did, we wouldn't be offended, but still hurts.

We want to get to a point when we know its not personal, we did nothing to provoke the accusation. So, as it's said often, it would be the same as if they told us "I think you are a pink elefant". And we have to take it like that. We know it is false and absurd, we don't have to argue that we are not pink elefants. I manage to do that one of every 100 times, and I hope to improve those numbers. 

There's gonna be time outs, times when he puts some distance, and we have to learn to live with that. As we need time to focus on ourselves, that's the perfect time to practice that.

Here's a lesson on that. This is a very common trait for most people here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78324.0

Hope you learn to cope with that, normalize it and not let it affect you. With time it doesn't hurt me that much.

Brothers and sisters, don't be shy! we all deal with this, chip in and give us your two cents!

[L_london]

Hi JoeBPD81!
Thanks so much for your answer! The pink elephant idea made me laugh and it applies so well! I saw the lesson just before posting here. The thing is he hasn’t being really jealous so far and he didn even looked upset when he was talking yesterday. Was just assuming a fact (that doesn’t exist). Sounds strange, but I prefere when he’s raging. He can go on for a couple of hours, but then it’s gone. Finished. When he’s peaceful, acknowledging facts ( I wanna be alone, rather than the cheating thing or the fact that if we slit I can find someone more suitable) then I am scared, because it can go on and off for weeks!
I am trying to normalize it and accept that we might need time apart, but it can be ok and maybe even healthy-er. It’s better than months ago, but still practicing.
Thanks again for replying! Was really helpful!

[Mutt]

Hi L_london,

It could be that he was looking for soothing and baiting for a fight. I'd do the same as you come talk about it here. I know that it's not easy being on the receiving end of these false accusations but it makes it more bearable when you're not going through it alone.