BPD GF left me, trying to understand what to do? Help me please

[Depression = 72% of members]

Dear All,

I have been reading for days and night this forum and other sources on the internet. I realised my girlfriend has BPD, and I am absolutely terribly sure she has. Here my story and I need your help on what to do? Please note that I am on extrem depression at the moment that I have never ever suffered like this before in my life.

I met this girl 2 years ago. Everything build up very slowly. Interestingly it was not a fast relationship. I really loved her, because she was rarest girl with the habits that I like. After dating almost 1 year(%90 percent of the time I was sleeping in her place) and then we broke up. We made small broke ups fights before but this was extreme rigit. She told me that she doesnt love me anymore, without reasonable reasons. I begged her to not to this, it doesnt make sense but no way. After 9 days we became together somehow. Her father had a very serious operation and I visited her then everything started as It didnt happen. She intensly started to love like never before and it started doubts on me that I was having nightmares. Then I found out she slept with her ex during that time once. I cannot know the details because I know only from what she tells me and what I read from her messages to her friends.

Later on I forgive her and he removed all the guys from her life. She really did! She didnt talk to any guy till she broke up with me 1.5 weeks ago. During the second fase of relationship we almost never had big issues. But then suddenly she started cold almost like 3 weeks but not always cold but cold/hot time to time. One day I came home late like just before midnight and I told her why she is so cold and I can give her space, I can spend more time in the work. She said nothing, and in the morning she told me that we have to brakeup but because she doesnt love me anymore again without any significant excuse.

I may look like from what I write a needy desperate person but I am not, I am very well educated doing phd and working in a good place. I have high self esteem, just look like this now because I am under extreme desperation and disfucntional on my work and studies because of it.

In the end we are living in the same flat and she asked owner to terminate contract I luckily find a place for my self and she will somewhere too. I have some stuff that I have to take from her parents place and she was living there and doing home office during this time there she came today to home take some stuff because she will go abroad for work for two weeks. But she said forgot to bring my stuff she will do it on January.

She is freezing cold with me completely unbeleivable. She is like definetely doesnt love me anymore I am like total stranger. I am almost sure there is no guy in the scene yet.

The questions:
-What to do to get her back? (If I can get her back I am 100% sure I can bring her to therapy)
(My GF doesnt have extremes as lots of people tell here, we have the sympthoms but major one emotional roller coster and stress)
-How can I deal with my stress at the moment? I will see a doctor after 2 weeks but I need to survive till then. I am completely dysfucntional, no sleep no eat.
- To be able understand the situation how is she able feel completely empty to me?
- Is there any medical threatment by doctors in order to remove this intense stress on me?

Many thanks and I am really appreciated with your help.

[pest]

Dear All,

I have been reading for days and night this forum and other sources on the internet. I realised my girlfriend has BPD, and I am absolutely terribly sure she has. Here my story and I need your help on what to do? Please note that I am on extrem depression at the moment that I have never ever suffered like this before in my life.

I met this girl 2 years ago. Everything build up very slowly. Interestingly it was not a fast relationship. I really loved her, because she was rarest girl with the habits that I like. After dating almost 1 year(%90 percent of the time I was sleeping in her place) and then we broke up. We made small broke ups fights before but this was extreme rigit. She told me that she doesnt love me anymore, without reasonable reasons. I begged her to not to this, it doesnt make sense but no way. After 9 days we became together somehow. Her father had a very serious operation and I visited her then everything started as It didnt happen. She intensly started to love like never before and it started doubts on me that I was having nightmares. Then I found out she slept with her ex during that time once. I cannot know the details because I know only from what she tells me and what I read from her messages to her friends.

Later on I forgive her and he removed all the guys from her life. She really did! She didnt talk to any guy till she broke up with me 1.5 weeks ago. During the second fase of relationship we almost never had big issues. But then suddenly she started cold almost like 3 weeks but not always cold but cold/hot time to time. One day I came home late like just before midnight and I told her why she is so cold and I can give her space, I can spend more time in the work. She said nothing, and in the morning she told me that we have to brakeup but because she doesnt love me anymore again without any significant excuse.

I may look like from what I write a needy desperate person but I am not, I am very well educated doing phd and working in a good place. I have high self esteem, just look like this now because I am under extreme desperation and disfucntional on my work and studies because of it.

In the end we are living in the same flat and she asked owner to terminate contract I luckily find a place for my self and she will somewhere too. I have some stuff that I have to take from her parents place and she was living there and doing home office during this time there she came today to home take some stuff because she will go abroad for work for two weeks. But she said forgot to bring my stuff she will do it on January.

She is freezing cold with me completely unbeleivable. She is like definetely doesnt love me anymore I am like total stranger. I am almost sure there is no guy in the scene yet.

The questions:
-What to do to get her back? (If I can get her back I am 100% sure I can bring her to therapy)
(My GF doesnt have extremes as lots of people tell here, we have the sympthoms but major one emotional roller coster and stress)
-How can I deal with my stress at the moment? I will see a doctor after 2 weeks but I need to survive till then. I am completely dysfucntional, no sleep no eat.
- To be able understand the situation how is she able feel completely empty to me?
- Is there any medical threatment by doctors in order to remove this intense stress on me?

Many thanks and I am really appreciated with your help.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[TurbanCowboy]

If you want to get her back I believe you have to pick yourself up and move on like it's not bothering you.  Obviously way easier said than done.  Begging and pleading doesn't work, looks weak and isn't attractive.  I found out who my replacement is and it started this summer I believe.  I reached out to him and let him know I am aware of his failed marriages, that he'll never get the benefit of the doubt from me when it comes to protecting him from my son.  I am hoping this blows up but part of my wonders if the play here was to act like I don't care.  That is what I will be doing from here on in.  I have said my piece.

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the stress.  I joined a gym, I have my son this week which helps.  I am on this forum a lot and others reading about other experiences in an effort to keep validating my belief that she has BPD and this was not someone I should be married to any longer.  A relationship shouldn't be an emotional roller coaster and it's just not possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is only capable of caring about their own feelings which clearly was the case with my wife and was the case as soon as we started living together.  My wife could literally be the most insensitive person I have ever met.  You have to tell yourself you deserve better and remember you will meet someone else at some point and when you do the pain of this experience will fade or completely disappear.

My wife emptied me because she has the emotional intelligence and maturity of a little kid.  I honestly don't even feel like her husband anymore, I feel like her father telling her she's rushing things and what she's doing is unbelievable inappropriate.  My wife has had no relationship with her father for 20 years and her mother is an oblivious BPD herself and enables my wife at every turn in fear that my wife will cut her off.  I also think my wife could see I was becoming less and less tolerant of her nonsense I honestly believe we lasted 10 years because I put up with her nonsense when a lot of men wouldn't have.

Not sure about medial treatment.  Wish I had a time machine, that's for sure.

Hang in there, it's hard. In some ways it's harder because the love is probably more intense but it's also easier breaking up, at least in my case, because I'm dealing with someone who has beat me up emotionally for years, has never taken any responsibility for our problems and couldn't possibly be more insensitive with regard to how she's handling the separation.  I also know deep down she's feeling more pain than I am and right now she's running from her problems while I'm trying to grieve and cope like someone who is wired normally.

[pest]

If you want to get her back I believe you have to pick yourself up and move on like it's not bothering you.  Obviously way easier said than done.  Begging and pleading doesn't work, looks weak and isn't attractive.  I found out who my replacement is and it started this summer I believe.  I reached out to him and let him know I am aware of his failed marriages, that he'll never get the benefit of the doubt from me when it comes to protecting him from my son.  I am hoping this blows up but part of my wonders if the play here was to act like I don't care.  That is what I will be doing from here on in.  I have said my piece.

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the stress.  I joined a gym, I have my son this week which helps.  I am on this forum a lot and others reading about other experiences in an effort to keep validating my belief that she has BPD and this was not someone I should be married to any longer.  A relationship shouldn't be an emotional roller coaster and it's just not possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is only capable of caring about their own feelings which clearly was the case with my wife and was the case as soon as we started living together.  My wife could literally be the most insensitive person I have ever met.  You have to tell yourself you deserve better and remember you will meet someone else at some point and when you do the pain of this experience will fade or completely disappear.

My wife emptied me because she has the emotional intelligence and maturity of a little kid.  I honestly don't even feel like her husband anymore, I feel like her father telling her she's rushing things and what she's doing is unbelievable inappropriate.  My wife has had no relationship with her father for 20 years and her mother is an oblivious BPD herself and enables my wife at every turn in fear that my wife will cut her off.  I also think my wife could see I was becoming less and less tolerant of her nonsense I honestly believe we lasted 10 years because I put up with her nonsense when a lot of men wouldn't have.

Not sure about medial treatment.  Wish I had a time machine, that's for sure.

Hang in there, it's hard. In some ways it's harder because the love is probably more intense but it's also easier breaking up, at least in my case, because I'm dealing with someone who has beat me up emotionally for years, has never taken any responsibility for our problems and couldn't possibly be more insensitive with regard to how she's handling the separation.  I also know deep down she's feeling more pain than I am and right now she's running from her problems while I'm trying to grieve and cope like someone who is wired normally.

Thank you for your honest reply. Your situation is even worse than me, I can write like a novel what we had but I think most of the people here understands whole story even from single sentence.

From your statements, there is almost no way to get her back. I am not even sure if I should do it. It was an heaven for 2 years now she turned all the good as bad in one shot.

I am extremely ambitious guy, I have projects that I was working like electronic, software etc. I am extremely eager to understand everything but this person is beyond my capabilities. I am not able to make empathy to understand how she is able to feel and think like this. Why she is extremely cold and like brick at the same time she has my photos on her social media and why she didnt deliver my stuff. I have no idea why she decided like this and how it possible she can act with confident and fix her life that fast. That is truly unbeleivable for me.

I really love her, when she is good she is really great and normal person when she go wild she is an emotional wampire.

I was just starting to meet someone but I got even get scared from new person if has this too. I wish there would be tag on people that we can see their disorders in advance.

[Lostinanother]

What makes you think she has BPD?
To be honest, this appears like maybe she just isn’t feeling it anymore... .
That can happen, doesn’t have to BPD.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi pest and welcome  

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.  A break up with a BPD partner is incredibly painful and many struggle with depression following this.  Facing depression is tough and can make it much harder to think straight in order to make decisions, so I'm really glad you're reaching out for help.  It's also good you plan to see the doctor about this too, although as you say it is important that you do care for yourself up until that appointment.  In recognising how you are struggling, you can hopefully prevent this from going on indefinitely.  You may find that the doctor recommends some talking therapy, or there are also a range of medications to aid reduction in symptoms.  Let your doctor know exactly how you are feeling and how this manifests, as they will know what might be the best option for you to consider.  

This is a great place to read up reliable information on BPD, so do have a good read of the articles here and perhaps you can share with us the traits you have found with your girlfriend that stand out as BPD to you?  From what you describe, it sounds as though she may struggle with fear of abandonment, which is a core driver for much BPD behaviour.  This might explain her decision to break things off after you talked about giving her space by spending more time at work.  At the same time, it also sounds as though she was going through the phase of devaluing you in the relationship, which could be indicated by her cold behaviour towards you.  

Now is a great time to expand on your knowledge, as this will support you going forward.  This can help you to understand more about what you are dealing with and then you can work towards improving your own skills in handling that.  Here is a link to insights on Saving a relationship with a BPD partner.  This includes an article on what it takes to be in a r/s with a pwBPD, so take some time to let this sink in and see how you feel.  There will be support for you here every step of the way, so keep posting, as you're absolutely right that it's important to consider yourself and your own needs in all of this.  

Taking care of yourself right now will put you in a stronger position to work on repairing the relationship if you wish to do so.  The basic relationship skills can be found within the Tools menu at the top of the page, so I'd also suggest you begin by looking at these and starting to consider ways you can implement them.  These life skills are helpful in all relationships, so can be practised on others in your circle, and validating yourself can be uplifting.    

Talking about things will be beneficial for you.  Aside from posting here, do you have friends/family/a therapist with whom you can share and enlist support from?  A good support network goes a long way to helping you to manage your own stress levels and can in turn give you sources of perspective that may differ to your own.  Try to find outlets for your feelings, whether that be physical activity like a good brisk walk in the fresh air, or a gym session, to creative pastimes such as writing or artistic expression.  When we are consumed by thoughts and feelings around a problem it can seem overwhelming and it's important to make yourself do other things to give your mind a rest from this by finding other activities to distract with for short spells, even if that just means getting a coffee with a friend.  

If you're not eating or sleeping, you will feel worse, so look at ways you can aid these things.  More physical activity will tire out your body, reduce caffeine or other stimulants and avoid alcohol.  Have you tried meditation to induce relaxation?  I practise mindfulness and have found that a body scan when in bed unable to sleep can knock me out cold, rather than lying there stewing over things.  Sometimes it takes extreme situations for us to open our minds to alternative explorations.  I'd definitely recommend mindfulness, as it helps us to calm our mind and become present, reducing worry about the future and analysing of the past, instead focusing on the now.  Even if you cannot bring yourself to eat a meal, you're aware you need nutrition in your body in order to function.  How else can you fuel yourself?  I have found meal replacement drinks to be very effective in giving the body what it requires to operate in times where solids are not an option.  Otherwise, just try to put in what you can when you can.  Perhaps arranging to eat out with family or friends will enable you to relax enough to take in some food whilst you are in company.

I'm sure you'll get lots of suggestions from others, so I'll stop here.  Just know you're in good company.  Members here can relate to your experience and the way you feel right now, so you will be understood and free of judgement.  Share as much as you find helpful and feel comfortable to do so.  We're listening.

Love and light x        

[Bo123]

I think this is so new that it's impossible to see things clearly right now.  You mention extreme depression, see your Dr!  No specific protocol for dealing with a possible BPD break up but there are many choices for the symptoms.  Part of this being so new for you, I have a hard time connecting 2 years of perfect times, then total I don't love you, I believe in time you will see a lot more.  Her sleeping with another guy didn't happen by chance, she made a very clear choice.  I wouldn't like it either but it's a huge red flag.  Being 100% sure you can get her into counseling?  Is she not smart enough to have thought about counseling herself and brought it up to you?  I, like you, am highly educated and love research and can solve almost all problems on my own, however, I'm not so sure yet this is BPD but if it is, BPD people are usually highly resistant to look at themselves through counseling.  This forum is a good place to be, #1 priority is to take care of yourself, the work on the issue.  I wish you the best and will look for your updates.

[limetaste]

This story is kind of similar to mine. I coped with the anxiety by taking bensodiazepines and drink straight for almost 4 weeks. My appetite stopped because the anxiety and I dropped 7 kg i body weight fast. I'm studying at the time, and I haven't opened a darn book since. It's been six weeks now and let me tell you, things will get easier. My anxiety have gotten a lot better and I'm not drinking as much, and no bensodiazepines for two weeks. My exBPD also did NC with me after just a couple of days after the breakup, so I couldn't get a closure there trying to talk with her. She black-painted me and thinks I'm the devil. She even talked about getting a restraining-order. Also, I found out she rebounded with her "best male friend" that I'm guessing had been in love with her for many years. She has never been interested in him and I'm sure it's just a temporary rebound. She's still active on those dating apps, trying to fill her void after me.

If I can handle it, you can. Bensodiazepines have been great for dealing with the anxiety, the drinking mostly made it worse. It's been times when I was drunk that I've tried to contact her a couple of times. Don't do this mistake, don't contact her, at all.

Start getting online on some dating-apps and talk to other girls. You don't need to hook up with them, but this will be somewhat of a distraction for the time, and will give ju some sort of confirmation and not feel like you're the lonliest person in the world. I know your ex is on your mind all the time, I know exactly how you feel. I've started dreaming about mine some weeks ago, sometimes I wish I never wake up, looking at the other side of the bed and she isn't there, like she used to be for 1,5 years.

Hang in there. Try getting some bensodiazepines, but don't over-use them. There's is no shame in feeling bad. I've contemplated suicide for some weeks but maybe one last hope keeping me alive is that maybe, maybe my ex gets back. I'm like you, see the logic in it, knowing therapy is the only way it could work. But chances are small. I also know I can find another woman, it's not going to be her, not going to be the same, but it will make me feel good again, I hope.

Also, fast food like pizza and hamburger is really great. I have cooked maybe five meals at home since the break-up. I'm a wreck so cooking food at home is a really hard task now. Importancy is eating. Sleeping pills have also been good from time to time in my case.

[pest]

What makes you think she has BPD?
To be honest, this appears like maybe she just isn’t feeling it anymore... .
That can happen, doesn’t have to BPD.

Hi,

I couldnt write all the sympthoms up there, if I would I have to write pages. I havent hear this kind of stormy and weird relationship anybody around me. My all friends almost have stable relations. Her relationships were always huge drama as she did with me. Her family relations and friends are the same too. When we met her father was painted black, now he is a great person. She told about him like devil to me. Anyway her mother suffering from her sickness too. It is unbelievable that how her mother insults her time to time. They are very irresponsible too, when I compare with my family I think they are not a family at all.

She has very low self esteem, actually she has good education and good job and she looks good. In her work places there are witches and queens. All bed or all good. She is crazy about some of her collegues(girls) that she checks their profile very frequently. She checks their pictures, I mean normal people doesnt do these thing. She is checking one women she is not even her friend, at least min 1.5 years she is checking her profile once in month I dont understand why she is doing these things. And she had a best friend, she was putting her pictures to home which makes me crazy. Then she devulated her too, and remove her from her life a blink of an eye. I was so shocked I said her you shouldnt do this with people but she doesnt care.

Time to time she starts to suffer from stomach problem and she went to doctor, they made so much test the end result is nothing. It happens because of stress, she started devalue with me when she had heavy stress. But strangely she didnt devalue till the end this time and the time interval was so short. I see a relation with highly stressed work(she continues work at home in the evening so I see her) devaluation of me but I cannot describe it. There should be other factors too but hard to predict.

Thanks

[pest]

So many people replied me I took notes all from them.

It is very interesting that how it can look so similar the stories. But I think started to come close to the truth. I think everything was like this unfortunately:

She was wounded from her ex relationship. She was always telling me that how loving this relationship was but infact not. It was very similar to what we have lived. But the guy was a bit narcissist I think. He was using all kind of drugs constantly. When we met devaluation of him was not completed yet. Thats why she slept with him then she completed devaluation and she completely removed her from her life. Thats not surprising. My idealization doesnt start from the beginning after 8-9 months of our relationship. I was so shocked that she idealizes and loves me that I couldnt have good sleep because it was overwhelming. Then as her last victim, my devaluation started and come to an end. She never recycle again most probably. And most probably she didnt started to with somebody but she will do very soon I believe and everything will start from the beginning.

My feeling doesnt let me her go, but the reality should be that I cannot be with her. She already destroyed my mental state and she will in the future if we even come together once. I am almost sure same thing will repeat again even if we go to therapy. (1 year ago I realized something wrong with her but couldnt know what it is and I asked her to see the doctor. She went but obviously she didnt tell her symptoms but something else so failed and she didnt continue. I didnt push her more because that time she was very normal).

I cannot do no contact with her because we still share the same home. Everywhere her clothes and stuff hanging like she is still living here. And she still didnt even bring my stuff back this is quite weird too. I think she is trying to make me suffer and she enjoys it somehow. This is completely insane and inhumane. She feels she is stronger than me now because she has the opportunity of feeling nothing to me. In the other way around I think her inner brain tests me how strong I am. It feels like she put me to the gladiator arena with lions and she watches the my fight with them.

From now on how should treat her? How can I prevent her to injure me more?

Thanks

[truthbeknown]

So many people replied me I took notes all from them.

It is very interesting that how it can look so similar the stories. But I think started to come close to the truth. I think everything was like this unfortunately:

She was wounded from her ex relationship. She was always telling me that how loving this relationship was but infact not. It was very similar to what we have lived. But the guy was a bit narcissist I think. He was using all kind of drugs constantly. When we met devaluation of him was not completed yet. Thats why she slept with him then she completed devaluation and she completely removed her from her life. Thats not surprising. My idealization doesnt start from the beginning after 8-9 months of our relationship. I was so shocked that she idealizes and loves me that I couldnt have good sleep because it was overwhelming. Then as her last victim, my devaluation started and come to an end. She never recycle again most probably. And most probably she didnt started to with somebody but she will do very soon I believe and everything will start from the beginning.

My feeling doesnt let me her go, but the reality should be that I cannot be with her. She already destroyed my mental state and she will in the future if we even come together once. I am almost sure same thing will repeat again even if we go to therapy. (1 year ago I realized something wrong with her but couldnt know what it is and I asked her to see the doctor. She went but obviously she didnt tell her symptoms but something else so failed and she didnt continue. I didnt push her more because that time she was very normal).

I cannot do no contact with her because we still share the same home. Everywhere her clothes and stuff hanging like she is still living here. And she still didnt even bring my stuff back this is quite weird too. I think she is trying to make me suffer and she enjoys it somehow. This is completely insane and inhumane. She feels she is stronger than me now because she has the opportunity of feeling nothing to me. In the other way around I think her inner brain tests me how strong I am. It feels like she put me to the gladiator arena with lions and she watches the my fight with them.

From now on how should treat her? How can I prevent her to injure me more?

Thanks

Sounds like your situation very similar to mine except i didn't live with her.  So she is like a roomate now? oh boy, that has to be hard.  I'm not sure what I would do.  I was lucky to take a job out of town and don't have to see the old stomping grounds so much.  When we together last she came to my hotel and I had PTSD everytime i would go to a new hotel where the beds were on the left side of the room because that is how it was when we were together. 

I , Like you, knew that this wasn't a person that i could spend my life with because of her disorder.  However, it's so hard to disengage from the memories of when they loved you or were showing love.

Do you own your place? renting? etc.  Just wondering what options you have to relocate or ask her to?

The coldness is so very hard.  The Jekyl and Hyde behaviors are very difficult. 

I have been doing EFT tapping to help with the pain.  I also go online and listen to hypnosis tracks about how to disengage from a failed relationship.  They have helped somewhat but the memories remain.  you are still in the "thick of things" so to speak because you live together.  Hang in there.

[pest]

Sounds like your situation very similar to mine except i didn't live with her.  So she is like a roomate now? oh boy, that has to be hard.  I'm not sure what I would do.  I was lucky to take a job out of town and don't have to see the old stomping grounds so much.  When we together last she came to my hotel and I had PTSD everytime i would go to a new hotel where the beds were on the left side of the room because that is how it was when we were together. 

I , Like you, knew that this wasn't a person that i could spend my life with because of her disorder.  However, it's so hard to disengage from the memories of when they loved you or were showing love.

Do you own your place? renting? etc.  Just wondering what options you have to relocate or ask her to?

The coldness is so very hard.  The Jekyl and Hyde behaviors are very difficult. 

I have been doing EFT tapping to help with the pain.  I also go online and listen to hypnosis tracks about how to disengage from a failed relationship.  They have helped somewhat but the memories remain.  you are still in the "thick of things" so to speak because you live together.  Hang in there.

Actually we were living together, suddenly one morning she told me that she doesnt love me anymore and she is not happy that we have to break up. He said I should move I said how can move now I am in a very difficult situation with deadlines and travels that must be done. Anyway she left home, move to her parents friends maybe new loves who knows she is crazy. She need constant support of love from others so for that she can use her body I am sure. I am not angry she is sick, I am good looking worthy person. I tried to pose what I live with my parents but it is wrong!

If you push her mood to feel her better, she will use you and when she has enough she needs to switch someone else. These are very unreliable people but THE VERY QUESTION IS WHY WE LOVE THEM? So I asked this myself, I think I was very choosy with her I started to attach her because of her emotinal drama and this forced me to support. This is my weakness I try to fix it.

I am still very depressed but much better than before. I try to push myself a lot, I eat by forcing myself. Eating helps really alot guys. You will notice it, if you forceyourself to eat then you will feel much better. I am fighting my feelings because it is very obvious as a healthy person I cannot live with this drama all my life. However I still miss her a lot everytime It comes to my mind I push it because I promised myself to be strong very strong, this BS drama cannot destroy my life.

I am thinking of that no matter what she couldnt delete me from her life, because these days it is difficult to find somebody both strong and caring. Eventually she will try it after her strom dissapers. But after that storm everything would be destroyed. I will manage what to do when that day comes, but till there I have to change this mood.

When it comes to dating, guys avoid one night stand. I avoid it because I know it will feel even worse. Avoid dating with weak unnecessary people this will consume your time which is precious and will make you weaker person. If you talk with girls when you feel like you wont talk in desperation then talk it is good.

I will move on soon, I dont even want to remember good memories because nothing worth this feeling so I wont make a drama here. Just I have to stay in this flat with her stuff everywhere hurts me, she even treated me that I slept with somebody here.

All in all my duty and my surplus will be being stronger person from this. I will be more careful when I am choosing a partner next time.

[pest]

Just a quick technique that I invented for eating, make soups but nuitricious ones. It doesnt have to be so tastefull but nutricious and put in a bottle and drink. It is much easier to consume food like this. Also breakfast yougurts with bottle good too.

[truthbeknown]

Pest,

I have been trying to reframe what she meant to me.  I didn't want to demonize her like she did to me but i simply have downgraded her from a girlfriend to a (blank) buddy.  Because that is all she really thought of me.  She used me for sex and then dumped me.  So I don't feel bad about downgrading her status in my life when i look back.  I could no longer hold her up on a pedestal.   Also, she completely changed off meds so i'm telling myself the the original woman died and the one that took over was just a (blank buddy) and nothing more.  It may sound crude but it actually helps me to see that a relationship like that is never meant to last.  I also started to ask if i really wanted a partner who is supportive and who had mental illness?  No i want a mature, and emotionally stable partner.

[once removed]

hey pest!

it sounds like youve gotten some good advice, and that you have approached this wisely and calmly.

where do things stand right now? any update?

[pest]

hey pest!

it sounds like youve gotten some good advice, and that you have approached this wisely and calmly.

where do things stand right now? any update?

We have completely broke up. I dont communicate in anyway. I still have feelings but they are diminishing quite fast and I am feeling pretty strong now. I again realised I am charming person but I am good person too, not an AH.

I have a strong feeling that she will look for me in long term but I dont feel like it now. It doesnt matter how the women leave you, I think it matters how they see you after they left. I dont know if it matters, I beleive she will miss me a lot in long term. However I dont think I should trust somebody like this.

It was really tough period for me but I am very suprised how fast I recovered. I strongly suggest everybody to give yourself time, socialize a lot. I am lucky because I have lots of good friends and a great family that I can spend fantastic times. All these things supports a lot + when you should feel recovered enough you should start dating.

I didnt try to date with exes or somebody with urge. I was patient to remove my panic first.

These are my 50 cents for the people, I know how hard you feel in the beginning but give yourself time+socializing and then you will gain your power again even if you want to continue, consider it from that time.

[CryWolf]

Hey Pest,
How have you been since your last post? Any updates?