dBPDw is sick ...

[Auspicious]

dBPDw is sick, and that means it's a tough time for all

Naturally I feel bad for her, and do what I can to help. But she doesn't stop having BPD just because she is sick, so much of the time instead of reaching out she lashes out. Or she reaches out - but I can do nothing right, the things I do just make things worse, I don't really care and can't appreciate what agony she is in, etc.

It makes it very hard to help someone  Like trying to care for a sick cobra ... .

And I'm still getting over being sick myself. Or hopefully getting over it.

[Mutt]

Hi Suspicious,

I hope it’s not something bad ( sick ) I completely understand how difficult a pwBPD can be when their sick and you’re not feeling up to par. I recall not feeling like my wife cared for me when I was sick but boy did have to display the opposite for her. It’s nice to see an old face!

[Auspicious]

Hi Mutt! Yes, good to see familiar faces!

Well, I hope it's nothing serious too ... .we think it's flu, but the cough makes her regular chronic pain worse, ramping up the misery feelings.

She refuses to see a doctor unless she thinks she is dying, so it's guesswork for now.

Oh yes, I got sick first and, well ... .let's just say she tried, I'll certainly give her that. It's very hard for her not to be the main object of sympathy, I think. I think that part was almost a relief to her, when she got sick too and was clearly more miserable than me (not saying she's faking or anything, just talking about how she processes it).

It's just hard. I love her and really do want to help, but of course I can't make it all better so ... .yeah. E.g. if I don't check on her all the time, then I'm neglecting her. If I do check on her all the time, I'm disturbing or startling her. Or first she asks me to get her cough medicine, then after I do, she wants to argue with me about how cough medicines don't work and no studies show that they work and why do I think they work? Etc. No win after no win.

I know intellectually it's just the dysfunctional coping mechanisms at work ... .but that doesn't make it any easier.