My sister has BPD, she has controlled my family all of my life.

[Nancabell]

My 54 year old sister has been controlling my family all of my life. My situation is very complicated, I am seeing a counselor which is saving me right now. I have cut off from my sister for the last 2 1/2 months. She lives with my 84 year old Mother, pays no rent, works when she feels like it and is manipulating my vulnerable Mother (who had a stroke). My sister blames me for everything bad in her life, criticizes everything about me, my husband, my adult daughters, my friends, my life, you name it. She rages on me to the point I physically shake, I am slowly understanding BPD and trying to take my life back. Currently I do not want anything to do with my sister ever again... .I think I finally have had enough. I literally panic when my phone notify's me of anything, an email, a call, a message for fear its another attack from my sister. I am in process of moving my Mother into a Senior Living situation, she made the decision to move and it is time, since my sister lives with my Mother and pays no rent, buys no food, takes money from my Mother and is loosing her free ride, her rage has intensified. I have been her main target all of my life, our entire family has suffered deeply, I have another sister with Special Needs who I am guardian for as well as guardian of my Mother which angers my BPD sister. I was put in this position years ago by my parents, my Father passed away 4 years ago so I have everything on my plate, I told you it was complicated! Just looking for support, it helps to know I am not alone and my counselor is amazing, I just feel so guilty about cutting off from my BPD sister, but I am so exhausted from her that I literally have nothing left for her. But I am sad, its hard to see what an awful life she really has, but I can not fix this.

[Turkish]

It's understandable that your sister is angry at you for losing her free ride.

Do you feel that your mother is safe during this transition? Is your sis just enjoying the perks,  so to speak,  or do you think that she may be stealing from your mother?

I'm glad that you have a counselor to help you navigate this.  It seems like too much to do alone. 

[Mutt]

I just feel so guilty about cutting off from my BPD sister, but I am so exhausted from her that I literally have nothing left for her.

I think that you have the right idea with self protection, did your counsellor suggest that you limit contact with your sister? We're not responsible for someone else's feelings if that person doesn't want to take care of themselves it leaves us with little choice than to self protect it's hard to function with the candle lit at both ends otherwise. I know that it's not an easy process I had to mostly cut off my exwife it takes time to process this, we're here for you.

[Nancabell]

I'm in a no contact place with my sister, recommended by my therapist and what I want to do right now anyway. My sister is taking advantage of her living free situation at my Mothers home, I pray EVERY day that I will get a call from the Senior Living place my Mother wants to live saying they have an opening, but they said it could be up to 6 months until they do have an opening. My Mother will not live anywhere else, so until that move happens it feels like my Mother, myself and my family are being held hostage. None of us will go to my Mothers home if my sister is there, we won't even call if we think she is there, it's awful. Yesterday after asking my sister to stop buying movies on my Mothers Comcast acct. at LEAST 5 times over the past year, I found she had purchased another 5 movies. She owes my Mother a lot of money, My Mother was very upset and asked my husband to block her ability to purchase movies, in doing so we found she had added her name to my Mothers Comcast acct. without my Mothers permission, we also removed that. So as of today we are all just waiting for her to figure out she can't order movies anymore and are waiting for the attack which will most likely happen soon. And, she will attack me, that's who she attacks. On top of all of this, my parents have given her money, cars and even bought her a house at one point, of course she quite making payments so my parents had to take over the payments until they sold the house, and of course none of it was my sisters fault. I could write a book, but in spite of all the manipulation and attacks I have bore all these years, I feel bad... .I get weak and think about how awful her life is... .she will most likely convince a friend of hers, (the only friend she has in the state) to take her in when we move my Mother. I am very angry at all the money my parents have given her all of her life, before my Father passed away, he told me, "we've thrown money at her all of her life and it never made her happy or made her life work".