Hi juju!
Oh, I can't imagine going through this for so long without even knowing what it is. You talk about strong -- you must have nerves of steel at this point!
I lasted a year before I went on an internet search rampage to find out what the heck it was and also find myself a counselor... .and this place
These people who have this disorder are truly wonderful. It is up to me, to be the best person i can be, take care of myself, reach deep.
Yeah... .that's the thing. My wife is just the most amazing person I have ever met 90% of the time. I am in awe of the person she is and I adore her to my very core. And then... .she goes bonkers in a way that makes me question my own sanity.
So... .I'm sane after all, but, yeah... .I need to do a lot of work on myself. No longer do I have the luxury of poor behavior.
Last night I went home feeling very confident. "I have learned so much! I will validate and not react!" I was for the first time in a long time feeling no stress because she had already showered and I didn't have to guess when I would be allowed into the house. She had different plans... .Within 5 minutes of getting home:
"I need your help with the plants on the window ledge."
"Ok"
"Move the one on the left so it is an inch from the other one."
I moved the plant as requested.
"NO! An INCH! Don't you know what an inch is?"
I looked at it and thought I might be a touch short so I moved them slightly further apart.
"AN INCH!"
"So, farther apart or closer together?"
"How did you get to be the age you are without knowing what an inch is? An inch is this:" (she indicated an inch with her fingers... .her fingers were correct, it was indeed an inch that she showed me).
I looked at the plants which were exactly that distance apart and she said "Closer together!"
So I moved them closer together.
"MUCH Closer! How do you not know what an inch is?"
This went on until the plants were two millimeters apart, and finally she was happy with the spacing.
"See? An INCH!" she said. "What is wrong with you? I was perfectly happy when you came home and now I am completely upset! And you didn't communicate with me today. Normally you tell me everything that happens at work" (no, I don't, because it upsets her greatly when I do). "So, what, did you have a busy day?"
"I got double-booked for some meetings, and some guys were out so I was the point of contact for everyone. Yeah, it was a bit busy."
"Right, and you didn't bother to tell me any of this, and now I have to deal with you being completely stressed out when you get home."
And on it went. The fight lasted until about 11:30. On and on and on. When it died down she would bring it up again, rehash the whole thing, and then tell me she couldn't understand why I wouldn't just leave it alone.
So... .I actually think I reacted pretty well all night. I was very stressed, but I didn't let any of my bad behaviors come through. Didn't help, though. She seemed intent on fighting. Oh well... .not exactly back to the drawing board, but I definitely still need to work on it.
Oh... .and we discovered last night that she is allergic to benadryl... .or, rather, she is allergic to the capsule the benadryl comes in. I know she is allergic to gelatin, but for some reason it didn't occur to me that the capsule would be made of gelatin. She has been taking that stuff every night before bed and we were having a heck of a time figuring out why she was going into mild anaphylaxis every night. Well... .now we know! I'm going to buy benadryl tablets tonight on the way home.
