Ex Blocked Me Again After Positive Contact

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,

New user here first time posting. I have read many of the similar threads here which has helped a lot but I think I need help with my unique situation.

To clarify, my "ex" has not been diagnosed officially with BPD but she certianly has it in my opinion.

We were together 6 years. She was extremely dependant on me and despite her behaviours I accepted her how she was whilst she tried to change everything about me. Nothing was ever enough despite bending over backwards for her.

She had a young daughter who was living in her home country with her mum and after 3 years of being together I helped her bring her daughter over here and raised her like me own for the following 3 years. Her mum (my ex) was very mean to her but I always stuck up for her daughter despite getting the mean treatment myself for doing so.

The past 3 years she has left around 2 times but I begged her back both times and she came back. During these breaks I found out she was chatting to a lot of guys but of course, that was my fault. She always said I didnt show her enough lvoe which may be true to an extent for whatever reason I wasnt althouhg I did (and do still) love her.

Around 6 weeks ago she packed up and left on good terms. I thought she would come back again but this time it seemed different. Despite leaving amicibally (I didnt beg or plead this time) she immediatly switched on me when she was gone. Calling me all names under the sun, asking me to fund her new life (I am well off through good education and hard work, she is the complete opposite), accusing me of seeing someone else (I am not) and blocking me then unblocking me a few days apart.

During the initial part of the breakup phase we were talling most days, me telling her I miss her and love her and that she is welcome back when she is ready. She didnt tell me any of these things and always said she is scared, doesnt want the same situation we had before, etc. She never told me 100% leave me alone although she would rage at me via txt or phone. I asked to meet up a few times and she refused.

As she is staying in another area in her friends spare room with her daughter, the daughter is not going to school which I think is bad parenting but that doesnt surprise me! I told her to come back, get her daughter back in her school, I will look after them and we can have a better relationship. She it would seem would rather stay in the situation she is in now than to be with me which I must admit, does hurt!

Anyways, around 1 week ago she asked for holiday photos of us which I sent to her and she was commenting nicely about. She said how we looked so happy. We were talking positive to the point I thought she was open to getting back together although one could argue after everything that had happened & how I had been treated, what man in his right mind would want her to come back.

The day after sending the photos she wanted and talking positively, she messaged me first asking how I am and saying she had a dream she killed a woman and the police were looking for evidence (whatever that means)! I was nice in response as I always am. A few hours later I sent her another holiday photo and tried to call, no response. I left it that day. The next day I txt her asking if everything was OK (I knew she had a doctors appointment that day) and no response again. I left it a few hours and tried to call, no answer. I left it a few more hours and tried to call - number blocked!

Now since she left she has blocked me on and off for a few days until I reached out via email to aks why or she unblocked me to ask me for a favour. This time I sent her a "final" email saying "I have had enough of these games and it hurts to think there is a chance we will get back together only for you to block me". "I wish you all the best whatever you are doing and I love you and miss you but I need to move on". No repsonse.

It has been a week now and is very out of character for her. I am genuinely worried not just for wanting to get back together but for her own health.

Does anybody have any idea why she would do this? I mean I guess 99.9% of people would say take the hint and move on. I havent reached out again since that final email around 1 week ago but it is the not knowing that hurts so much. At least if she said "I am with someone else", "leave me alone" or something along those lines I would know and be able to let go completely but I am still holding on to hope that this is her beinig angry and trying to hurt me. She has told me before she blocked me because I am seeing someone else which I am not.

From what I have read thus far it seems my best bet is to leave her alone, NC and move on. This could be a win/win. If she unblocks me and reaches out then I know she cares, if she doesnt then she never did. Although part of me thinks she wants the begging and pleading via email.

So confused after talking well with each other why one minute she is asking how I am and the next blocking me out. Help?

[whattodo2]

Hi,

New user here first time posting. I have read many of the similar threads here which has helped a lot but I think I need help with my unique situation.

To clarify, my "ex" has not been diagnosed officially with BPD but she certianly has it in my opinion.

We were together 6 years. She was extremely dependant on me and despite her behaviours I accepted her how she was whilst she tried to change everything about me. Nothing was ever enough despite bending over backwards for her.

She had a young daughter who was living in her home country with her mum and after 3 years of being together I helped her bring her daughter over here and raised her like me own for the following 3 years. Her mum (my ex) was very mean to her but I always stuck up for her daughter despite getting the mean treatment myself for doing so.

The past 3 years she has left around 2 times but I begged her back both times and she came back. During these breaks I found out she was chatting to a lot of guys but of course, that was my fault. She always said I didnt show her enough lvoe which may be true to an extent for whatever reason I wasnt althouhg I did (and do still) love her.

Around 6 weeks ago she packed up and left on good terms. I thought she would come back again but this time it seemed different. Despite leaving amicibally (I didnt beg or plead this time) she immediatly switched on me when she was gone. Calling me all names under the sun, asking me to fund her new life (I am well off through good education and hard work, she is the complete opposite), accusing me of seeing someone else (I am not) and blocking me then unblocking me a few days apart.

During the initial part of the breakup phase we were talling most days, me telling her I miss her and love her and that she is welcome back when she is ready. She didnt tell me any of these things and always said she is scared, doesnt want the same situation we had before, etc. She never told me 100% leave me alone although she would rage at me via txt or phone. I asked to meet up a few times and she refused.

As she is staying in another area in her friends spare room with her daughter, the daughter is not going to school which I think is bad parenting but that doesnt surprise me! I told her to come back, get her daughter back in her school, I will look after them and we can have a better relationship. She it would seem would rather stay in the situation she is in now than to be with me which I must admit, does hurt!

Anyways, around 1 week ago she asked for holiday photos of us which I sent to her and she was commenting nicely about. She said how we looked so happy. We were talking positive to the point I thought she was open to getting back together although one could argue after everything that had happened & how I had been treated, what man in his right mind would want her to come back.

The day after sending the photos she wanted and talking positively, she messaged me first asking how I am and saying she had a dream she killed a woman and the police were looking for evidence (whatever that means)! I was nice in response as I always am. A few hours later I sent her another holiday photo and tried to call, no response. I left it that day. The next day I txt her asking if everything was OK (I knew she had a doctors appointment that day) and no response again. I left it a few hours and tried to call, no answer. I left it a few more hours and tried to call - number blocked!

Now since she left she has blocked me on and off for a few days until I reached out via email to aks why or she unblocked me to ask me for a favour. This time I sent her a "final" email saying "I have had enough of these games and it hurts to think there is a chance we will get back together only for you to block me". "I wish you all the best whatever you are doing and I love you and miss you but I need to move on". No repsonse.

It has been a week now and is very out of character for her. I am genuinely worried not just for wanting to get back together but for her own health.

Does anybody have any idea why she would do this? I mean I guess 99.9% of people would say take the hint and move on. I havent reached out again since that final email around 1 week ago but it is the not knowing that hurts so much. At least if she said "I am with someone else", "leave me alone" or something along those lines I would know and be able to let go completely but I am still holding on to hope that this is her beinig angry and trying to hurt me. She has told me before she blocked me because I am seeing someone else which I am not.

From what I have read thus far it seems my best bet is to leave her alone, NC and move on. This could be a win/win. If she unblocks me and reaches out then I know she cares, if she doesnt then she never did. Although part of me thinks she wants the begging and pleading via email.

So confused after talking well with each other why one minute she is asking how I am and the next blocking me out. Help?

[EdR]

"She never told me 100% leave me alone although (... .)"

That particular quote is something I recognize. Typical BPD behaviour. Sometimes her actions might suggest to leave her alone. She might even tell her friends that. But she never would say that in your face.
Why? Imo because all the accusations are just part of her BPD brain going haywire. She does not want to be left alone.

In my experience the message or the frequency of contact did not even seem to matter. I could talk or message daily or even multiple times a day about tricky stuff without any problem.
But then a simple 'congratulations' message after a two week interval,  has caused her to give me the Silent Treatment. :-( :-(

I REALLY would like to re-establish contact with her, but I try hard to not give in again to this torture.

I know it is extremely hard, but I would advice you to go no contact. You seem to already have messaged and called her quite a lot and you need to start focusing on your own health and even protect yourself.

She could easily paint you black as the BIG STALKER dude and you shouldn't want that anymore.

About her Silent Treatment being final? You just never know with BPD :-(

[whattodo2]

Thank you! I am far from stalking her althouhg I do understand that she may want to portray it that way. We were together for 6 years and she left on good terms with both of us maintaining contact on an equal basis. Hence why I am feeling burnt that she blocked me out of the blue and this time hasnt reached out. It seemed the way we were talking eventually we would have got back together. It's so confusing although in normal circumstances one with dignity and respect would of course take the hint and not try another way to reach out (email, etc) which is what I am doing for almost 1 week now since being blocked. I just hope she eventually starts to realise what she had with us and then wonders why I have not tried to reach out - then contacts me. That's what I want even though it may not be the best thing!

[Pencil sketch]

It's all part of the process. I hate You, don't leave me.
My t explained the BPD perfectly, 'its like trying to solve a colour changing rubix cube, no matter how hard you try, you will never solve the problem, only frustrate yourself in the process.
This is what they want.
No contact, for you.

[Mutt]

Hi whattodo2,

Do you have an update? I agree with the others that I might wait for her to contact me contact g her might push her further away but it would kill me with trying to figure out the reason. I’m not telling you to scare you maybe she didn’t want to meet you in person or talk because it’s too emotional for her and tje reason why I say that is because you mentioned other guys. Do you feel that she might be seeing someone else?