Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 11, 2025, 01:24:12 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
> Topic:
Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues? (Read 526 times)
ViaCrusis1689
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 47
Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?
«
on:
March 09, 2018, 03:33:45 PM »
I haven't been here in a long time. I suspect my mom has BPD or characteristics of it. Lately, my dad and I have noticed she claims that we don't tell her things and blame us when we say we did. It makes me doubt my sanity.
She is almost 60, and there is no apparent history of memory issues in her family, but I know that doesn't mean it can't happen. She was convinced a few years ago that my dad was the one who was developing dementia. He doesn't pay attention sometimes, but I don't think he has issues. (I live with them, so if anyone would know, I would.)
I am more on the side of "she just can't/won't admit her mistakes" as she has always needed to be right. But some of the situations are just boggling my mind. It's tough because sometimes it directly involves me, and my default is to just diffuse the situation, and then both of them seem to sulk for a while. Then they complain to me that the other is wrong.
Any advice as to how to tell if she genuinely needs to be evaluated? My dad says he's noticed it has gotten worse in the past two years.
Logged
bluek9
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 257
we are full of color
Re: Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?
«
Reply #1 on:
March 09, 2018, 04:10:27 PM »
Hi ViaCrusis1689,
I just read your post, welcome back. Glad you came back here for support. So sorry to read that you're going through tuff times with parent.
I too lived with my parents for over a year not to long ago. The only difference is that I myself am 60, same age as your mom. Does she work still? Me I work full time as a case manager for a non-profit. Anyway the thing is you have options. Does your mom have a primary care Dr.? What I found helpful with my dad who was 78 at the time, I called his doctor and asked if he could do a memory test. The doctor did it at his next appointment pretty much without my dad even knowing. It's just a series of questions that screen for memory, dementia and Alshiemers. Of course it's just the first step but, it could be helpful to determine if she needs further testing. Just one more suggestion, try writing things down. When you make a decision about something that she needs to know about at a later time or a decision she took part in, write it down so she can see it later. Take care of yourself, if you want let me know how it works out. Here to support you.
Logged
H:healing, O:options, PE:positive encouragement
Mutt
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10403
Re: Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?
«
Reply #2 on:
March 09, 2018, 06:59:14 PM »
Hi Viscrusis1689,
It helps to understand the dynamics when it comes to a pwBPD BPD is a persecution complex where the person truly believes that their circumstances are caused by others and not by themselves. A pwBPD will cast themselves mostly as victim and sometimes persecutor rarely persecutor. Others will be cast in the role of persecutor and rescuer you your mom and your dad makes a triangle. I’d read up on drama triangles and see how the different positions play out.
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Logged
"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Kwamina
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 3544
Re: Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?
«
Reply #3 on:
March 10, 2018, 07:37:25 AM »
Hi ViaCrusis1689
It's been a long time indeed! Sorry that you are still dealing with difficult behavior from your mother, but it is nice to hear from you again
How have you been yourself?
You mention on the one hand being more on the side that of "she just can't/won't admit her mistakes" yet also mention that some situations are just boggling your mind.
Do you perhaps see any particular pattern in the things your mother seems to forget? Does it seem to be totally random what she says to have no recollection of or do you notice it's only certain things?
The Board Parrot
Logged
Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
> Topic:
Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...