My wife has blamed me for her condition, but isn't accepting of her diagnosis

[rankandfile]

I am new to this, and new to knowledge of BPD. My wife was recently diagnosed with a bipolar disorder and BPD. She was involuntarily placed in a behavioral health facility after saying she had considered committing suicide. She has been discharged, and is under psychiatric care. We have been married for 30 years. We have 5 children, the youngest is now 19. I am just trying to figure out how to better cope with all this. I am frequently angry and impatient. My wife has blamed me for her condition, but isn't really accepting of her diagnosis. She has stated multiple times she wants a divorce. I have told her that if being with me makes her this unhappy, then we should split. I don't want to see her suffer. I just don't know what to say sometimes. I feel like all I have done for years is try to appease her. I also feel like I have enabled unacceptable behavior. A family member sent me the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells", which is what I feel I have been doing for a long time.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Hi R

You are in the right place. Welcome!  This is a caring community that has experience, strength and hope.

You didnt cause it.

I can make the situation worse, because for a long time, 10 yrs, I didn't understand his disorder, he is high functioning.  And yet, the disorder is still there.  They are the worst w the people closest to them, which makes it hard.

I learned and am learning here what to do, to reach out, this is a safe space.

I have read a lot, especially on here, am learning from everyone's experiences... .

It can be overwhelming, you did the right thing by reaching out.

All i know is that when in bad times, i have to take care of myself.  Self care is critical!  I knew nothing about that... .like I said, there is a lot to learn.
You can do it.  There is hope here.

With hope and strength, j

[Lucky Jim]

I feel like all I have done for years is try to appease her. I also feel like I have enabled unacceptable behavior. A family member sent me the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells", which is what I feel I have been doing for a long time.

Hey r&f, Welcome!  As juju2 notes, you have come to the right place.  We get it and understand what you have been through.  Most of us Nons have done a lot of appeasing and enabling bad behavior, so you are not alone.  Glad you are reading SWOE, which is a great resource.  If I may make a suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and your needs.  It's not about you causing her to suffer, in my view, it's about your suffering.  What would you like to see happen?  What is the right path for you?  What are your gut feelings about your r/s?

LuckyJim