Need support for narcissistic abuse

[Towanda]

Hi,
I find this forum and site very helpful (I have a mother with UBPD). However, now I need help with a possibly narcissistic landlord. I really need support as soon as possible. I have nobody who understands what is happening. The gaslighting is horrible. My next of kin says she understands him and his needs even though his behavior has made me sick and hospitalized.

I'm in a stressful situation where I want to find another person to be my next of kin. And it hurts so much that she is supportive of him and his actions towards me.

Really hope someone can point me in the right direction.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Towanda, 

Sounds as if you are in a really troublesome and stressful place right now. Some hugs for you. 

I was thinking while reading your post that I wondered if your uBPDm has N traits too? If she does, do you think that is part of what is triggering you? Here is a great link that explains what I think may be happening when your uBPDm sides with him.

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

 
Wools

[Turkish]

What is your landlord doing? Is there anything criminal here?

[Towanda]

Hi Towanda, 

Sounds as if you are in a really troublesome and stressful place right now. Some hugs for you. 

I was thinking while reading your post that I wondered if your uBPDm has N traits too? If she does, do you think that is part of what is triggering you? Here is a great link that explains what I think may be happening when your uBPDm sides with him.

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

 
Wools

My mom is not my next of kin any more, I chose a friend. And she is supportive in many ways, but she also says she understands him. What is triggering me is that I feel unsafe in my own home because of his behavior.

My mom has also made me feel unsafe, but she didn't play games with me, she was blunt: "Get in here or I'll kill you." She's threatened to kill me so many times that I know she won't. And she has never layed a hand on me. Yes, she has several narcissistic traits.

What is scaring me is the way he is cunning. The way he is playing mind games with me, lying, trying to make me think I'm forgetful and crazy. The lack of empathy he has. He is my landlord, he has a lot of power over me. I'm sick and he is putting pressure on me, trying to stress me. That scares me. My mom never scared me that way, she took care of me when I was sick.

[Towanda]

What is your landlord doing? Is there anything criminal here?

Yes. He is locking himself inside when I'm not at home, without notice or any legally valid reason. Last time he locked himself inside while I was naked, putting my clothes on. The ventilation fan in the bathroom was on, and it is right next to the front door, so he could hear it and know that I just had taken a shower. Still, he went in. Couldn't wait for me to put my clothes on. He is trying to stress me, in my own home. I'll be installing a camera and a burglar alarm.

[Kwamina]

Hi Towanda

I am glad you reached out for support here. The situation with your landlord is quite concerning indeed and I can definitely see why this rattles you so.

When did your landlord start to behave this way? Did he exhibit these narcissistic tendencies right from the very start? Was there perhaps a certain turning point or was it more of a gradual progression?

He is locking himself inside when I'm not at home, without notice or any legally valid reason. Last time he locked himself inside while I was naked, putting my clothes on. The ventilation fan in the bathroom was on, and it is right next to the front door, so he could hear it and know that I just had taken a shower. Still, he went in. Couldn't wait for me to put my clothes on.

This is very disturbing behavior. Have you considered getting the authorities involved?

It is sad your next of kin seems unsopportive. Is your next of kin also aware of your landlord's specific behavior you describe here?

My next of kin says she understands him and his needs even though his behavior has made me sick and hospitalized.

When your next of kin says she understands him, does she elaborate on what se means exactly? What needs of him is she referring to?

Your own safety and well-being is definitely your number one concern here.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Towanda,

I'd like to join the other members and welcome you to the community. I'm very sorry that you are feeling unsafe in your own home. That is such a difficult situation to be in. 

He is my landlord, he has a lot of power over me. I'm sick and he is putting pressure on me, trying to stress me.

This is completely inappropriate for a landlord (or anyone, for that matter). There should be professional boundaries between you, unless he has become a friend. Is that the case?

I would suggest contacting the your local Department of Housing and get clear on your rights as a tenant. If you are in the U.S. you can find information here: Tenant Rights

I'm sorry to hear that you are sick. Has your friend been there for you?

Keep writing. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Mutt]

Hi Towanda,



Id like to welcome you to BPDFamilh. I’m sorry that you’re going heartnwhole mentioned boundaries he’s really over stepping boundaries he’s invading them. I’m glad to hear that you can talk about this I can i just imagine how lonely it would feel if you were not talking about it.

I have nobody who understands what is happening. The gaslighting is horrible.

You can get cameras with push notifications to your phone and to your email when your camera detects activity.

[Living Life]

This situation is pretty horrifying, especially since it seems to be escalating. Have a chat with the police and make a formal report; a police officer can have a visit with him and put him on notice about his behavior. His intrusions into your apartment are illegal, and very scary. Good luck.

[Turkish]

What is scaring me is the way he is cunning. The way he is playing mind games with me, lying, trying to make me think I'm forgetful and crazy. The lack of empathy he has.

What do you mean by the lying and in what way do you experience him lacking empathy?

Is there a requirement of a landlord making entry and he's not giving that? It's likely by posting a notice on your door,  yes?