My ex beleived in Tarot cards? Is this a common "BPD" thing?

[The Cat in d Hat]

I’m 53 days out, a week away from 60 days from when my pwBPD discarded me. After slowly blocking her 1 by 1 on very social media app... .I was finally able to block her from my phone today. I was holding out hope, but after a 47 day connection, it’s now been longer we haven’t been talking than the time we were. It feels good to be close to the finish line to finally and fully detach. And at this point I definitely don’t want her to return.

Knowledge is power, so I keep learning here.

I found myself remembering a thought, where she told me she believed in tarot cards (might be related to her thinking she’s an empath, which was the topic of another thread). We were just talking and she told me she hadn’t gone to get a reading recently, but if she did, her 3 cards would read “she has always wanted me, wants me now, and will always want me”. I laughed and brushed it off as personally I don’t believe in these things. And today when I remembered this, I laughed again for obvious reasons.

I know people in general have all sorts of beliefs, so it’s not something in the non or the disordered, but has anyone noticed this particular example or things of the like in their pwBPD. Is this what is called magical thinking?

[Turkish]

Magical thinking absolves one of digging deep into themselves and taking responsibility,  in my opinion. 

[SlyQQ]

People with BPD are steeped in a denial similar to when a loved one dies the denial and bargaining

are parlayed into magical thinking similar to the idealization phase where they try to believe you are perfect


if only i do this eerything will be ok again

no that didn't happen etc etc

[heartandwhole]

We were just talking and she told me she hadn’t gone to get a reading recently, but if she did, her 3 cards would read “she has always wanted me, wants me now, and will always want me”.

Sounds less to me about tarot cards, and more about possibly leaving a door open. In my experience, after the dust settles, good times, needs, feelings of nostalgia can come back into awareness. The distance makes it safer to express the feelings, as the chances of getting too close are fewer.

I laughed and brushed it off as personally I don’t believe in these things.

Sounds like you don’t believe in tarot card readings, but what about what she said? 

heartandwhole

[The Cat in d Hat]

Sounds less to me about tarot cards, and more about possibly leaving a door open. In my experience, after the dust settles, good times, needs, feelings of nostalgia can come back into awareness. The distance makes it safer to express the feelings, as the chances of getting too close are fewer.

Sounds like you don’t believe in tarot card readings, but what about what she said? 

heartandwhole

Thanks everyone, I was just trying to see if “magical thinking” was literally just “mystical” or “superstitious”... .I guess that’s not exactly it and there’s more to it.

@heartandwhole

Just to clarify this was from an old conversation with her, not new events. I found myself ruminating which is why it came up. We haven’t spoken in almost 2 months.

Do you think she (or any pwBPD) could actually conciously or even unconsciously plant something like this during the idealization phase to keep a door open in the future?

I was flattered, but I didn’t believe the words . Just sounded way too good to be true. And besides, actions speak louder than words. She vanished. Told me we only existed for each other for a short time, and that we’ll never meet. Those are the words I believe in.

[heartandwhole]

Just to clarify this was from an old conversation with her, not new events. I found myself ruminating which is why it came up. We haven’t spoken in almost 2 months.

Sorry The Cat, I didn't realize that it wasn't recent.

Do you think she (or any pwBPD) could actually conciously or even unconsciously plant something like this during the idealization phase to keep a door open in the future?

Not really. I'd assume she meant what she said in the moment.

I was flattered, but I didn’t believe the words . Just sounded way too good to be true. And besides, actions speak louder than words. She vanished. Told me we only existed for each other for a short time, and that we’ll never meet. Those are the words I believe in.

I understand more than you know. There was a point in my relationship where I stopped believing in many things. It was painful, but also freeing.

I think looking at what IS, right now, and working on acceptance of that is a good path to be on. 

heartandwhole

[WT]

Magical thinking absolves one of digging deep into themselves and taking responsibility,  in my opinion. 

What you said is very insightful. I was going to comment that my ex had an interest in things like fortune telling and it never occurred to me that it was something that one could use to hide behind.

[Cromwell]

Id say that it probably works better for people who are detached from reality. stuff like tarot cards and horoscopes can be used to justify when things dont happen the way the BPD person hopes it would. "its not my fault i did xyz, i did the tarot card reading and it said such a thing would happen to you, the fate was already predetermined".

[fontinalis]

I've thought about this a lot and done some searching of the boards. Magical and religious thinking do come up pretty often.

My stbxuBPDw sometimes knew something was wrong with her and she was in and out of therapy  and once tried antidepressants. But after just a couple of sessions the first time in therapy, she quit because she would rather see a shaman for past life regression instead of therapy. The second time in therapy actually lasted a month and a half or so, but she quit because she said yoga and chanting would be more effective.

She went through a whole mess of new age stuff, self help, and religions, including angel tarot cards for a while when she was big into ":)r." Doreen Virtue's angel therapy woo woo. She had an angel tarot card app on her phone and she would actually use it to make important decisions... .

There was the "arigato gozaimasu" ("thank you" in Japanese) self help thing where she one of those little hand held manual counter things and said it over, and over, and over in the belief that all her wishes would be granted if she said it the right number of times in a day. Thankfully nothing lasted long with her.

Then there was the "law of attraction, followed by angel therapy. There was Reiki, and later Body Talk. She believed that if she learned to pronounce Sanskrit properly then she would vibrate on a higher plane. She chanted CONSTANTLY! Thankfully nothing ever lasted long with her.

I think the constant inner turmoil and the inability to deal with the pain of looking at their own problems makes magical ways of thinking very attractive to pwBPD. If I only follow this easy formula, everything will be better! And it allows them to continue to externalize their problems and pain. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I lived with it for 13 years!

[once removed]

on magical thinking:

Here's a definition I found: 

"The inaccurate belief that one's thoughts, words, or actions will cause or prevent a specific outcome that does not demonstrate a realistic relationship between cause and effect."

Examples:

Believing your team won the game because you wore your lucky underwear... . 

Your friend broke his leg because you were angry with him... .

Something horrible will happen if you step on the crack in the sidewalk... .