In-laws with BPD and their extreme behavior

[KL9090]

Hello,
Just looking to find support in regards to others who have a family member who has BPD. In my case it is my spouse's parents. My in-laws both my spouses mother and father have personality disorders that are extreme and severe. We are European and it is not always easy to find support and help with this type of very difficult family dynamic.  Looking for support, how has it been for you others out there?

The in-laws lie all the time and are trying to ruin our marriage and constantly are negative and complaining and trying to always control what we do with our lives. We told them directly and setting strict boundaries that we will live our lives as we chose, they do not get a say and if they continue with abusive behaviors - verbal and emotionally we will report them to the authorities.

we can't take it, they are very ill mentally and refuse to take any responsibility and blame everyone else for their problems and especially with us when we refuse to put up with the abuse. We just get raging, angry horrific responses by them.The in laws always make it out to seem like I am evil spouse taking their son away from them and i have not done anything wrong, meanwhile when all they do is lie about us and to try to break us up because they refuse to listen and can't stand that we can only choose how we live our lives and no one else especially not them, but they are relentless and it is very hurtful. my spouse has a hard time because he is so hurt to the point he does not want any contact with his parents any more, its like they can't stand to see us happy and in love and they are miserable all the time, very controlling, and abusive.

[bluek9]

WELCOME  KL 9090,

      I noticed that you ahve posted twice and haven't been welcomed yet. I'm happy you have found this board. You will find encouragement, education, support and persoanl sharing here. Can you share how you found out they have personality disorders? That must make interacting with them very difficult for you. What does your spouse think, is it had for him also?
      May I start off suggesting that you look around the site. There are lessons, book lists to start with and videos. Plaese keep posting and asking questions. Hope to hear more from you.

[Speck]

Welcome, KL9090!

 

I would like to join bluek9 in welcoming you to the discussion forums. We are so glad you're here, although we're sorry for the circumstance(s) that brought you to our shores. Yes, this is a safe harbor. So, feel free to drop your anchor and be supported. That's what we do here.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

We told them directly and setting strict boundaries that we will live our lives as we chose, they do not get a say and if they continue with abusive behaviors - verbal and emotionally we will report them to the authorities.

Wow... .I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. This is a toughie! I am glad that you know about setting boundaries already. This is good, and a healthy step forward for you. I take it that your MIL and FIL are not respecting your boundaries. Am I understanding you correctly? If so, then the goal is to maintain those boundaries and to create additional ones, if necessary. Also, pulling back from the fray can also help quite a bit, as in, depersonalizing their maddening behavior as much as possible, because... .it's not about you.

my spouse has a hard time because he is so hurt to the point he does not want any contact with his parents any more... .

This is quite understandable. I am so sorry for that. Are you able to support him in this?

I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck

[Turkish]

What kinds of things are they doing which might be reportable to the authorities?