Being a new parent as a child with BPD mom

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi there,
     My sister and I are both relatively new parents (my daughter is 2.5, hers is 7 mos) and while I've made a lot of progress on my anxieties and tendencies stemming from my BPD mother, my sister still seems to be in the thick of it.  She had a very traumatic birth experience and I don't think she has made quite as much progress as me as far as reconciling the actions of my BPD mother.  With that said, I've very concerned about her relationship with her daughter.  She seems to have no connection to her at all and has been very upfront with me that she feels nothing for her and believes that her daughter hates her.  Her daughter won't look her in the eye and is generally fussy and hard to soothe. At this point, it's a terrible cycle that continues to feed itself.  She can't bond with the baby and the baby can't bond with her.   

With that said, I'm looking for resources to help my sister work through new motherhood having lived with a BPD mom.  I think the complex relationship can relive itself in so many ways and I'm hoping to find some materials to help her work through her bonding issues.  (She's also in therapy which is helping but I think she's not always fully honest with her therapist). 

Any guidance is much appreciated!

[AnnArama03]

Hi there,
     My sister and I are both relatively new parents (my daughter is 2.5, hers is 7 mos) and while I've made a lot of progress on my anxieties and tendencies stemming from my BPD mother, my sister still seems to be in the thick of it.  She had a very traumatic birth experience and I don't think she has made quite as much progress as me as far as reconciling the actions of my BPD mother.  With that said, I've very concerned about her relationship with her daughter.  She seems to have no connection to her at all and has been very upfront with me that she feels nothing for her and believes that her daughter hates her.  Her daughter won't look her in the eye and is generally fussy and hard to soothe. At this point, it's a terrible cycle that continues to feed itself.  She can't bond with the baby and the baby can't bond with her.   

With that said, I'm looking for resources to help my sister work through new motherhood having lived with a BPD mom.  I think the complex relationship can relive itself in so many ways and I'm hoping to find some materials to help her work through her bonding issues.  (She's also in therapy which is helping but I think she's not always fully honest with her therapist). 

Any guidance is much appreciated!

[Mutt]

Hi AnnArama03,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear about sister and your niece, is this her first child? She sounds like she could be a colicy baby that's very tough. Has your sister shown interest in doing self work? We have material in the lessons on the right side of the board and the top of the board, lessons and suggested reading. She's welcome to join and talk to others here members here can relate.

[Fie]

Hello AnnArama03 

How do you feel about Mutt's suggestion ?

xxx