Changes of plans and depression

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I was super excited about leaving my situation with my uBPD father and non-BPD mom. I had everything planned to move in a few weeks. Went to a specialist today and was told that I need surgery... .While I can wait to get the surgery until I move back to the area, it won't benefit me much financially and physically it could get worse. I went into the appointment thinking they wouldn't find the cause because tests and x-rays didn't show anything. Only to find out my problem can't be diagnosed that way, when I had ruled it out as an option not knowing this. Therefore, Here I am perplexed and feeling blue. I don't want to stay in this situation any longer, I was ready to move out, move on and get help for myself.

This surgery will only put back my move date about a month or so, if I get in quickly and no complications happen. So I will have to hold onto that knowledge and keep my eye on the goal. But also stay in the moment and not live in the future (ugh). Maybe it will give me more of a chance to work through the issues with my family and grow in my own boundary skills before I leave. Also, I hope it will help in the long run the chronic pain I have, maybe surgery mixed with getting into a better emotional/mental state will help my fatigue too... .Trying to find positives, but I really just feel depressed about the situation.

[deirdre]

So I was super excited about leaving my situation with my uBPD father and non-BPD mom. I had everything planned to move in a few weeks. Went to a specialist today and was told that I need surgery... .While I can wait to get the surgery until I move back to the area, it won't benefit me much financially and physically it could get worse. I went into the appointment thinking they wouldn't find the cause because tests and x-rays didn't show anything. Only to find out my problem can't be diagnosed that way, when I had ruled it out as an option not knowing this. Therefore, Here I am perplexed and feeling blue. I don't want to stay in this situation any longer, I was ready to move out, move on and get help for myself.

This surgery will only put back my move date about a month or so, if I get in quickly and no complications happen. So I will have to hold onto that knowledge and keep my eye on the goal. But also stay in the moment and not live in the future (ugh). Maybe it will give me more of a chance to work through the issues with my family and grow in my own boundary skills before I leave. Also, I hope it will help in the long run the chronic pain I have, maybe surgery mixed with getting into a better emotional/mental state will help my fatigue too... .Trying to find positives, but I really just feel depressed about the situation.

[Harri]

Hi Deirdre.  I am sorry to hear that you have to have surgery and I hope it will be a quick and smooth recovery for you. 

Trying to find positives, but I really just feel depressed about the situation.

Finding positives is important and you have found several which is excellent.  It is also important though that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel without judgement.  This is a good time to remember mindfulness and radical acceptance.  I think you've got this though.   

I will have to hold onto that knowledge and keep my eye on the goal. But also stay in the moment and not live in the future (ugh).

Yes.  No easy task but certainly doable.  Don't forget we can help you walk through this too.   

[HappyChappy]

Hi Deirdre

I’m sorry to hear about the delay to your plans. Your reaction sounds quiet natural. Good for you putting the positive spin on it, you’re right that it may improve your copying systems and also medically speaking sooner is normally better, so that’s all to the good. You'll have longer to pick out soft furnishing for the new place.

You say it will put things back a month, well I’m guessing you are practised at avoiding your BPD father. Maybe you could get yourself a reward for each week you complete. A reward from the money you say you’ll save.  But from an outsiders view, who doesn’t know the situation as well as you do, the benefits of saving money and taking the safer rout with you health will stay with you always. Where as the month will not. Keep posting on here if it helps you keep in the moment. Have you got everything you need for the move or is there a shopping opportunity (if so my daughter wants to come along) ? Will you use the opportunity to put up boundaries ? When I last moved I didn't let my BPD have my land line.

[deirdre]

Thank you Harri for your encouragement! I am working on that whole radical acceptance thing, it is a lot to take in but my brain is slowly wrapping around the concept and hopefully I can internalize it soon.

HappyChappy Thank you for your affirmations on my feelings about the situation.

Maybe you could get yourself a reward for each week you complete. A reward from the money you say you’ll save

I love this advice and am already implementing it, I decided to reward myself with a camping trip. One week completed, one activity that will help me stay sane and enjoy being active before surgery. Also Now I do want to spend this extra time buying all the soft furnishings, soft things are so my weakness.

I do need to continue working on boundaries and even if I can't implement all of them at once. Figuring out what boundaries I will have when I move is a good point. I hadn't thought about that.

[Harri]

Hi Deirdre.  It's good to see you back here posting.   

The thing to remember about radical acceptance is that sometimes no matter how well you understand it, it's something you have to choose to do and sometimes you have to make that choice several times a day!  Letting go is hard.

I'm not much into camping unless the 'tent' has indoor plumbing, electricity and wifi!  Now retail therapy is definitely my thing!  Home decor and furniture are my favorites!

[HappyChappy]

I decided to reward myself with a camping trip. One week completed, one activity that will help me stay sane and enjoy being active before surgery.

Great news, so glad your are sounding more positive. As the wise band Chumbawamba once said "I get knocked down but I get up again, you ain't ever going to keep me down." ... .you are clearly a fighter and I know you will get through all this. We're here if you need to vent, or discuss, Keep us posted.  

[deirdre]

Harri
Yes camping isn't for everyone, it was full of mishaps, always is. I love it anyways 

HappyChappy
I am feeling more positive about the situation, still waiting for Monday anxiously to see if I can even get the surgery in time or not. But now I am hoping I can instead of hoping I can wait. I feel that lyrical quote, I will fight my way through and not stay down for long.

I am already planning next weekends camping trip!