for some reason had to look

[Careca9]

its been nearly 17 months since she just went silent, disappeared and obviously ended things. i had had a couple of messages 8 weeks after we broke that started nicely then turned quickly aggressive but since then nothing.

for some reason she's always in the back of my mind. i hope thats just the normal reaction to someone you spent a great time with and cared a lot for and not my lack of healing resurfacing. anyway i had to try and see what she was up to, bad move i know, so clicked to see her facebook and although i am blocked i can see she's moved cities. i think the realization i'll never see or hear from her again baring in mind she has next to no friends so no ties to come back this way has brought all the memories when she split come rushing back. forgot how horrible it is to be split black and literally go from being no. 1 in someone life to literally no existence.

this site has always been great, hope everyone whose been through similar gets to the point i've made in the last year or so. time heals 99% of things, but i wonder if i'll ever really be able to look back and not long for that one chance to meet up again

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Careca,

What do you think caused you to look into what she was doing?  Did something prompt you, like a specific memory or thought?  How have you been doing in yourself for the last 17 months?  A sudden loss and seeming rejection can have a lasting effect, for sure.  Sorry to hear you now find yourself going over what happened again.  That has to be painful for you.  Have you had any specific support - such as counselling to help you work through that after it happened?

Love and light x   

[Wicker Man]

for some reason she's always in the back of my mind.

--I just finished posting a thread about this very phenomenon.  Something about a relationship with a BPD partner seems to, at least for me, leave a resonating doubt.  Our situations are different, I left my undiagnosed BPD ex love, but I still feel her ghost.

I am deeply sorry for your loss and your pain -but you are certainly not alone.


Wicker Man