Does going no contact, ever make the attempts to gain contact again worse?

[Makoa]

I recently left a relationship with a BPD man, who was abusive. He ended the relationship for the most part. Something he has actually never done before. He changed his email and blocked me (and vice versa) on everything he could except one place, a mobile app game. Where I also blocked him. So there is no way for him to contact me, however in the past he has asked his dad to text me asking me to talk to my ex.

My ex in the past has said things like 'youre mine', 'you would never know if I was coming to see you' (we live in different countries but have met several times, lived together for a month straight, before he bit and scratched my arm... see my other post for that story), and 'you couldn't get rid of me if you tried'.

I have a restraining order against him, but it only is valid in my country. So he would need to come here to break it.

I am honestly worried that because I've totally blocked him, that eventually when he wants to recycle me (it's already happened once), that because he cannot contact me... .he may go to extreme measures to do so.

Has anyone had this happen after going no contact?

I really just need this nightmare to end. And any advice on how to keep myself and family safe, would be really appreciated.

Thanks!

[Turkish]

Hi Makoa,

What do you imagine are "extreme measures?"

You said this in your intro post:

I know this may sound naive, but given my history with abuse. I don't feel like what he did was done to be abusive

I read your story of your childhood and I'm sorry that you were abused by so many as you were.  With a dysfunctional childhood, it can be hard to see things clearly.  "You don't know what you don't know" is what we heard when I was a mentor for at risk teens.  These early experiences twist our world-views in that even if our logical minds scream "this isn't right!" Or emotional minds may whisper,  "this isn't that bad... ."

Intent isn't as important as what happened.  I put up with a lot due to by childhood with my BPD mother.  I shouldn't have.  It wasn't right,  and by what I read of your story there isn't much right.  You might glean wisdom by reading discussions by members who have been where you were and maybe still are:

3.03 | Domestic violence  [women]

Would you be tempted to answer a text from his dad,  or ignore it? Or tell the truth that you have a protective order against him and not to contact you anymore?

[Makoa]

Thank you for your reply. It made a lot of sense. I know that my past especially the experiences with my adoptive mom, make a. More likely to put up with things that I know inside I shouldn't be and b. That I have an ingrained need or want (need is likely more accurate) to want to help people. Especially those I feel or know are wounded, or 'underdogs' for lack of a better word.

My ex not only unblocked me on everything today, he msged me his new cellphone number. And told me I was unblocked on whatsapp. (He is blocked everywhere for me now, the game app we play on only allows the block to go one way. So I had to wait for him to unblock me, so I could then block him. useless feature!) I normally in the past even a week ago, which is roughly how long ago we broke up... .added him right away to my phone. But this time? I didn't. But what's more I felt utter relief that I didn't feel I had too. If that makes sense?

I told him the was a protection order already.

The extreme measures I imagine would be showing up on my doorstep. I have no doubt if he paints me white again, and I stay no contact. That is exactly what he will do.

[Makoa]

Or extreme measures might be what I am dealing with right now... .he has made several new email addresses and is trying to get me to talk to him again, 'to work things out'... .saying he never 'saw this coming' and 'honestly thought we could work things out'.