cant stop obsessing

[RolandOfEld]

eightball, wow, this is leaps and bounds from the place you were a few weeks ago, even just a few days ago. I greatly admire the progress you've made in that time.

I just have some suggested changing to the wording of your declaration:

I love myself too much to continue loving someone who doesn't show affection unless he wants something in return (sex, money, a maid, a mother).

I love myself too much to be considered an option when he has been talking to and grooming other women, or running back to the ex when we have a major argument.

I love myself too much to not be considered a priority by the person I love.

I love myself too much to keep allowing the verbal and emotional abuse.

Your statements are not a declaration of not being strong enough. They are a sign of how strong you are. Strong enough to love yourself and not let another person steal that love for themselves.

~ROE

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[eightball]

Good day ROE,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I met with the uBPDxbf Tuesday afternoon. It didn't go well. I told him we needed space as we have been spending too much time together. He didn't agree. I told him Sunday I was trying to find a balance between spending my free time with him, my friends & time for myself. Monday night he was already given me a hard time about spending time with my friends.

The thought of me not being in his life anymore is very hard for him to accept. He resorted to bringing up my wrongs from 13 yrs ago, as if he didn't do anything wrong back then. And we were both supposed to let go of the past when we got back together a couple yrs ago. He resorted to name calling, anything to push my buttons. I stayed calm until he called me a whore. I left. He called and texted 10 min later apologizing. I cannot accept this behavior anymore.

I decided I am not willing to spend my summer unhappy, or the rest of my life unhappy, due to his insecurities and jealousy. I do love this man, but I am also learning to put myself first. He thinks we only need couples counseling. I strongly disagree. I will continue my counseling. I do hope he decides to do counseling on his own. If he does, and sticks with it, I would be willing to do couples counseling.  Until then, I've decided to live my life the way I want.

We still have financial things to sort out so I cannot go NC. He texted this morning asking if I was going to his grandsons tball game tonight. I said no as I have a counseling appt and other things to do after.  He is trying to make me feel guilty about not going, and I almost fell for it. Asked why I started going in the first place. And said guess the grandson will be disappointed. Also said those things I need to do must be pretty important. I did not respond to any of this. I have been to more games than this child's father or any other family member except for the ex and the child's mother. The ex just wants me there to get me to talk about things. As far as I'm concerned, all that's left to talk about at this point is the financial things.

I plan to have a great holiday weekend with my friends. It will be fun & they do not judge me, try to make me feel guilty or try to control me :-)

Thank you ROE for listening. I hope all is well with you.

Eightball