Help with recent break-up with BPD male

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

The man I was dating for 7 months, is undiagnosed. He claims he has depression/anxiety but he fits the BPD description to a T, to include using alcohol to self medicate and being divorced twice and then in a 4 year relationship with someone he claims had bipolar. In early days he said I was best thing to happen to him. Now he says he doesn't need someone like me in his life. One of his ex wives told me he is a chronic liar and that he used me to get back on his feet after going into rehab for cocaine use. I'm shocked and feel stupid.

I'm on day 2 of no contact, after asking him to go to therapist Monday. He had come home drunk for 5th time in a 7 day period on Sat and said he didn't love me, wasn't going to be anyone's puppet, was simply living his life and that he would bash me ro everyone if I turned off cell phone I was paying for.

Then Sunday it was an off and on day between hom wanting to work it out, saying I had to change, that I was one driving him crazy to telling ke everything was fine and that we'd work it out, he had no where to go and loved me. I was anxiety ridden and felt like I was walking on eggshells. On Monday, I asked him if he'd see a therapist. He said I was on who needed therapy and I was one who was abusive, not him. Things got ugly where he threatened police for me taking two bags of his clothes to his car at work. So I called and had his cwll phone that I was paying for shut off until he could go take over responsibility for it and have gone NC.

I logged onto FB last night and saw he changed relationship status to single and posted "Those who go to bed same day they wake up are quitters". So clearly he's not affected by the break up as I am. So I deleted all our photos, changed my relationship status to single and unfriended him and his family.

I still have a lot of his things because he had moved in a few weeks ago. I have no idea where to go from here or what to do. I'm still shell shocked.

[Iris828]

The man I was dating for 7 months, is undiagnosed. He claims he has depression/anxiety but he fits the BPD description to a T, to include using alcohol to self medicate and being divorced twice and then in a 4 year relationship with someone he claims had bipolar. In early days he said I was best thing to happen to him. Now he says he doesn't need someone like me in his life. One of his ex wives told me he is a chronic liar and that he used me to get back on his feet after going into rehab for cocaine use. I'm shocked and feel stupid.

I'm on day 2 of no contact, after asking him to go to therapist Monday. He had come home drunk for 5th time in a 7 day period on Sat and said he didn't love me, wasn't going to be anyone's puppet, was simply living his life and that he would bash me ro everyone if I turned off cell phone I was paying for.

Then Sunday it was an off and on day between hom wanting to work it out, saying I had to change, that I was one driving him crazy to telling ke everything was fine and that we'd work it out, he had no where to go and loved me. I was anxiety ridden and felt like I was walking on eggshells. On Monday, I asked him if he'd see a therapist. He said I was on who needed therapy and I was one who was abusive, not him. Things got ugly where he threatened police for me taking two bags of his clothes to his car at work. So I called and had his cwll phone that I was paying for shut off until he could go take over responsibility for it and have gone NC.

I logged onto FB last night and saw he changed relationship status to single and posted "Those who go to bed same day they wake up are quitters". So clearly he's not affected by the break up as I am. So I deleted all our photos, changed my relationship status to single and unfriended him and his family.

I still have a lot of his things because he had moved in a few weeks ago. I have no idea where to go from here or what to do. I'm still shell shocked.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Iris828, I'm sorry to hear that your r/s ended so abruptly.  I'm a little unclear about your current status.  Were you living with your Ex and have now moved out?  If so, where have you moved to?  Or did he move out from your place?  I can't tell from your post.  Fill us in, when you can.

If I can make a suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself, by treating yourself with kindness and compassion.  Don't beat yourself up!  No, you're not stupid; you're human, like the rest of us.  Hey, we all make mistakes, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I can understand that you feel shell-shocked, so be patient while you find your footing again.

Let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi Iris828,

I still have a lot of his things because he had moved in a few weeks ago. I have no idea where to go from here or what to do. I'm still shell shocked.

It sounds like you had a pretty bad experience I can see how someone would feel lost in all of this, it's hard to tell with a pwBPD where you stand one minutes you're good the next you're bad it's like an emotional rollercoaster.

I'd like to echo Lucky Jim can you update us the living arrangements what I'm hearing is that he moved out and left his stuff behind?