Sister with BPD

[VikingsFan87]

Hi, I'm new here. I joined because, I have a sister who has BPD. She is going through a divorce, has 5 year old twin girls, and is pregnant. I am a stay at home mom, so I watch my nieces when she works. Every single day is a struggle. I'm constantly being called names and being blamed for ridiculously made up things. I wish I could just stop talking to her, but I can't, because I worry about my nieces.

[Harri]

Hi VikingsFan and welcome to the board!  You have found a great place full of supportive people who get it.  Many of the posters here have a sibling with BPD, not all diagnosed, and can definitely relate to your story.  Even those of us with uBPD (undiagnosed BPD parents) can relate to many aspects.  My point is, you are not alone.

Your sister is under a great deal of stress which can amplify her behaviors and in turn affect you.  Have you tried saying no or asking her to leave or hang up the phone when she starts blaming you?  Do you have other family members who experience the same type of behaviors from her?  What is your support system like?

Please do share more of your story when you can.  We can listen and maybe even help you figure out strategies to improve your relationship so you can still have your nieces around.

I hope to hear from you soon.  The good news is that things can get better.

[VikingsFan87]

My sister is undiagnosed. My mom and step-dad are treated the same as me, and we all support each other. My mom actually saw a counselor about her, and she gave my mom some things to read, and some tools to use, which she shared with me and the rest of our family. When she acts up, we try to divert it to another conversation, or walk away. It's really hard for us, because we don't want her kids to be around the drama, so we try to say "hey, do you want us to keep the girls for a while, then bring them home later?" I feel like I NEED to watch her kids every day, because they shouldn't have to be around that behavior, plus she forgets to bathe them and stuff like that. It's very stressful, and sad.

[Harri]

I can understand why you want to be there for your nieces.  It is a big responsibility but so important for them.  Are you able to share the care with other family?  Just trying to see if there is a way you can take a break.  I am sure you love them dearly, it's just with everything else going on you must be exhausted.  How old are they?  Providing them with a healthy validating environment will go a long way in terms of helping them have healthy behaviors of their own but you have to take care of you as well. 

Here is a link to some articles you may find helpful and may want to share with your family: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108307#msg1064894  There is a lot there so read when you can.  I especially like the links on self care.

Thank you for sharing more of your story.  If you have any questions, feel free to ask.  I hope you read and post as doing so can help a great deal.  It is good to know you are not alone and also to reach out to others to increase your support network as well.

Take care.

[VikingsFan87]

Thank you for the articles. I will read them tonight. My nieces are 5, and will be starting school at the end of August. My mom is actually moving here in 2 weeks to help with the kids, and my sister. That is also stressful, because my mom's husband can't move here for another year and a half, as he signed a 5 year contract with his employer. He and my mom will only be able to spend weekends together.  I should also add that my sister is 27 and I am 31.

[Harri]

Wow, your sister, whether she can recognize it or not, is so fortunate to have such a supportive family.  I hope you will be able to get a break.  Do you and your mom have a good relationship?  having a family member with mental illness can sometimes cause problems.

Post when you can.  We'll be here.

[Learning2Thrive]

  VikingsFan87,

It’s been a couple days since you first posted. How are you doing? Have things settled down a bit with your sister? I hope you’ll pop in and update us when you have time, if you feel like it. Feel free to ask lots of questions and interact on other threads. We are family here. We really do care and we’re here to listen and support you.

  L2T