His 30th birthday.

[whiplashed_mom]

So it's been six years since my first born child began dating the uBPD dil--and we began to lose him.
Five since they married.
3.5 since I last gave my son a hug and saw him in person, since I've heard his voice, since the last communication.
Three since our only grandchild was born, whom we've never met, despite him visiting her parents in this town on holidays.
No one else wants to speak of him, so, I'm telling you. I still love him. I just want him to call me and come back into my life, --> preferably free of her BPD however that happens.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Whiplash_mom,

I’m so sorry you are no able to meet with your son, it must be very difficult for you. But I hope you understand that it’s standard for a BPD to isolate their partner and family, so its not personal. But sadly, it also limits what you can do.

Are there people or places that you and your son still share ? Possibly an mutual friend could pass a message. Just letting our kids know we’re here for them, so they know how to get in contact, and that they’re always welcome to contact, is at least something we can do.

A BPD sees you as on their team or against them. There’s no middle ground. Any way you could convince her you are on her team ? Ironically you have a better chance of connecting with your BPD than you do with her partner. A BPD must always be the centre of attention. So if you’re asking about grandchildren and your son – that’s not what she wants to hear. Could you make a big fuss of her on her birthday ? If for example you had tickets for her favourite whatever, band etc... , and you didn't know what to do with them, would that get her attention ?

[Kwamina]

Hi whiplashed_mom and welcome back to the forum

I am very sorry that you haven't had any contact with your son for such a long time and have not even ever seen your only grandchild.

No one else wants to speak of him, so, I'm telling you. I still love him. I just want him to call me and come back into my life, --> preferably free of her BPD however that happens.

Yes I can relate to the sentiment you express here, for when you truly love someone, some part of that will likely always remain. The situation with your son is definitely tough right now and for several years already. Things don't always have to remain this way though and I hope at one point you will be able to have contact with your son again and also see your grandchild.

When you were last here, you talked about a friend of your son whom you talked to about what's going on after this fiend realized something was not right with your son. Have you since had any more talks with your son's friend?

The Board Parrot

[Panda39]

No one else wants to speak of him, so, I'm telling you. I still love him.

You can come here anytime to speak of your son, we will be happy to listen.  As a mom I totally relate to how excruciatingly painful this separation must be for you and of course you still love him he is your son!

What happened the last time you talked with your son?  Is reaching out now a possibility?

Panda39

[Notwendy]

This is so sad

Do you know where he works? Is it possible to send a birthday card  to his workplace? ( if you send it to the home, his wife will probably throw it out). Not something big that he would feel obligated from and no drama, just a "Happy Birthday, I am thinking of you, love Mom"

Send it without expectations. He may not reply but you know you sent it.


My mother also sees people as "on her side" or "not her side". She has thrown out ice cream and a birthday cake I got for my father because I didn't ask her permission to get it for him. That's why I think it is better to send a card to his workplace if you can.