How to deal with false accusations

[Believeinmiracle]

Hello fellow travelers. I am struggling with many thoughts, feelings and fears that I am becoming aware are shared by many others. While that itself is comforting the pain is intense nonetheless.  I am married to the woman I thought was the love of my life. However it appears like she has several issues that she does not admit she has.  I am not sure where to start. So I will start with the present and work backwards I guess.  We are currently living in separate houses. The short story is that she has accused me falsely of many heinous things. This is her way to keep me out of her life and punish her self I think. My question to you guys is have any of you suffered the same circumstances.  Just started about 10 months ago. I have personally been in therapy to deal with this drama and the depression that it causes. That is helped me immensely but it hasn't solved the situation with her. She refuses any help and claims I am the one with the problems. I might also add she was sexually abused as a child  by a neighbor. Her mother was absent during most of that time. So there is a lot of emotional conflict that she brings along.  We have been together for about six years. In the beginning I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Now I am the devil incarnate.  Obviously this is a lot of information to transmit in one message. I guess I'm just looking to get in contact with people who have been falsely accused of things and seek guidance on how to deal with the constant barrage. I'm at a loss. Thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Believeinmiracle,



Sorry to hear you are struggling in your relationship. I know how painful that can be!

Would you like to tell us more about what you are being falsely accused of?

What led up to you two living apart?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Believeinmiracle]

Hi Pearl and thanks for your response. at this moment I am actually treating myself to a baseball game... .trying to take care of me for once! I am just beginning to unpack a lot of the events of the past year. As I am learning these are very complex situations. I will do my best to tell the story without blame, anger or "reverse accusations" for lack of a better term. I will fill in more details(of which there are many) when I can sit at an actual keyboard.  In fairness I also want to ensure that I also reveal my flaws and weaknesses.i am responsible for 100% of my choices but only 50% of the relationship. I understand that intellectually but constantly act as the rescuer or fixer. I am slowly seeing the futility and frustration embedded there. As a rededicated Christian man in addition to the normal FOG I also struggle with the biblical marital commitment. She moved out of our marital of her own free will "yo see how things go".This was 10 months I to our marriage. She came back briefly before Christmas and left again in late January. I will fill in more details/drama later. The accusations began with "hiding money"... .spent 2 weeks getting records of 4 different accounts going back 2 to 3 years before our marriage... .all of which were my individual accounts ... nothing hidden, then I was a sex addict always wanting sex from her, then she found all these DIY "Male diagnosis books and the accusations escalated to Narcissism then Socieopath then Psychopath.i have discussed all of this with my therapists to make sure we weren't missing anything. (the answer is no) Curently she is accusing me of planning to harm her so we haven't even spoken in almost 2 weeks  My friends tell me to walk away or run for the hills! I realize that I have enabled some of the behavior by giving in to her demands... .but when she turn on the charm I get sucked back in until I get hammered again by her uncontrolled rage and paranoia.I keep repeating the 3 Cs.In addition to general advice about dealing with continued false accusations is my heartfelt desire to get appropriate treatment. I have not discussed BPD with her... .she would RIP my head off. I once bought 2 books from Amazon to try and understand and deal with her sexual abuse issues... they came when I wasn't home and she ripped the covers off and threw them in the trash  I know she is hurting but she is "transferring" every bad thing any guy did to her into me... .cause I'm still here There is a beautiful  spirit that can't get out and I see now this destructive pattern of her past high conflict relationships. I love her and want the best life possible.for her even if she leaves. I have asked her many times to do marital counseling but she refuses.

[Believeinmiracle]

I found a couple of phone typos in my post

She moved out of our marital... .home... I left out the word home

My heartfelt desire is to get HER appropriate treatment ... I left out HER.