Detaching -- I take back the gift of myself.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

This came to me today on my lunch break, and I feel it's going to help me detach completely. The image of it in my mind feels very powerful. It may seem a little hokey to some, but for others, maybe there is something in it that could help you. So I hope no one minds me posting it here.

Letter to my ex:

In the beginning, I was wary of giving my heart to you. I had walls up to protect myself, to keep me from being hurt. You dissolved those walls. You charmed me, seduced me, made me trust you. You made me think I could be completely open and vulnerable. So I gave you the gift of myself, all of me. I didn't give that lightly. It was a fragile and precious thing, but I trusted you. So I opened myself up, gave to you without reservation.

But you didn't honor that gift. You didn't take care of it. Maybe you weren't able to, or maybe you just chose not to. You didn't recognize what it cost me to give that to you. You hurt me, disrespected me, broke me down until I was a shadow of my former self.

So today, I consciously take back that gift from you. I take back my love, my trust, all the precious vulnerable parts of me that you hurt and abused. You don't get to do that anymore, in any way. I won't allow even the memories to hurt me any longer. I am worth more, and I deserve more than that. I take myself back, to be whole and healthy and strong again. Someday I may decide to share myself again with someone again (share, never give all of me away again). And when I decide to do that, it will be with someone worthy of that gift, someone who will honor and love and respect me, who will protect that gift of love and nurture it.

I consciously close the door on this relationship and walk away, carrying all the parts of me, together again, whole again. I wish you well, but you will no longer have any power over me.
 

[WindofChange]

This came to me today on my lunch break, and I feel it's going to help me detach completely. The image of it in my mind feels very powerful. It may seem a little hokey to some, but for others, maybe there is something in it that could help you. So I hope no one minds me posting it here.

Letter to my ex:

In the beginning, I was wary of giving my heart to you. I had walls up to protect myself, to keep me from being hurt. You dissolved those walls. You charmed me, seduced me, made me trust you. You made me think I could be completely open and vulnerable. So I gave you the gift of myself, all of me. I didn't give that lightly. It was a fragile and precious thing, but I trusted you. So I opened myself up, gave to you without reservation.

But you didn't honor that gift. You didn't take care of it. Maybe you weren't able to, or maybe you just chose not to. You didn't recognize what it cost me to give that to you. You hurt me, disrespected me, broke me down until I was a shadow of my former self.

So today, I consciously take back that gift from you. I take back my love, my trust, all the precious vulnerable parts of me that you hurt and abused. You don't get to do that anymore, in any way. I won't allow even the memories to hurt me any longer. I am worth more, and I deserve more than that. I take myself back, to be whole and healthy and strong again. Someday I may decide to share myself again with someone again (share, never give all of me away again). And when I decide to do that, it will be with someone worthy of that gift, someone who will honor and love and respect me, who will protect that gift of love and nurture it.

I consciously close the door on this relationship and walk away, carrying all the parts of me, together again, whole again. I wish you well, but you will no longer have any power over me.
 

[Mutt]

Well said WindofChange

[MeandThee29]

Beautiful!

With direction from my counsellor, I wrote a similar letter to mine, and then shredded it. I did the same with my parents (MOM was NPD, Dad enabled).

It was very freeing.

[Harley Quinn]

WindofChange I commend you on your strength and determination to rebuild yourself and let go of what doesn't serve you.  That resolve is really evident in your letter and whilst heartbreaking it was a joy to read and really resonated with me.
 I too gave all of myself for the first time.  It's deeply disappointing to find it was with the wrong person.  How are you feeling at the moment?

Love and light x   

[Lady Itone]

Very well said, thank you for sharing.

[WindofChange]

Thanks, everyone. I hope it's helpful to someone else, too. Harley Quinn, I'm feeling pretty strong right now. I just refuse to allow this man any more power over me than he has already had all this time. Life is too short. I know I still have work to do on myself, and there will probably be some down days ahead. But I've been stuck thinking about the fact that I gave this man my whole self, everything, like you. I was totally committed to him, and I thought it would be forever. When things didn't work out, I kept thinking, how can I ever get over this? And the thought came to me, I need to take myself back. So, I did. And I'll hold onto that knowledge. If/when more sad days come. I'll remind myself of that fact. 

[Drs204]

Well said. I sent mine an email once I found out she had a new man.

She had blocked me on FB, but another true friend found out and told me.

I wrote her a letter saying I knew about it. Saying it ripped my heart out.

But I said goodbye to her and wished her the best.

I did say after a time if she wants to talk we can. I have her blocked on FB as well for I was worried she may get vindictive. I said after a while I would unblock her if she wants to talk as I know this relationship she is in now will not last.

I am wondering if I should though. She does have my phone and email so she can text. Not sure what I would do in that case.

But I did send her a letter via email saying goodbye and wishing her the best.

Still was very sad to do.

[BreatheFirst]

Thanks for sharing that post.  That concept of taking yourself back has been very helpful for me today in how I am feeling - thank you.  He doesn't get to share the gift that is me anymore.

[WindofChange]

DRS204, that's good that you sent her the email telling her how you felt. But since you mention considering talking with her if she wants to communicate, are you thinking there is still hope for the relationship? How are you feeling in general about things?

BreatheFirst, I'm glad you found it helpful. I've found encouragement and help in many of the things people share on here, and I'm glad I could contribute at least a little. How are you feeling today?

[empath]

Beautiful, WindofChange. I could feel your love and care for yourself in the letter.

[BreatheFirst]

Thanks WindofChange.  I am feeling sad today.  I miss my partner and all the good things there were.  I just don't understand what he is looking for in his life.  I probably never will. Hope you are having a good day.

[WindofChange]

Hi Breathefirst, I just read a few of your posts to learn a bit about your story. Sounds like you are having a very difficult time with your estranged ex. I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I'm sure it's overwhelming.
I think sometimes there is no making sense of it. It's just the nature of the disorder. It isn't rational thinking on their part. Have you been reading the different articles on the site? They were helpful to me.
Do you have a therapist and an attorney engaged to help you with all that's going on? I may not have read far enough back since you may already have mentioned those things.

[Drs204]

DRS204, that's good that you sent her the email telling her how you felt. But since you mention considering talking with her if she wants to communicate, are you thinking there is still hope for the relationship? How are you feeling in general about things?

Not sure what I feel anymore. I still love her yes, but that does not mean the relationship will be reunited. Looking back at it maybe it was dysfunctional anyway. There will have to be a lot of talking and forgiveness and I will take her to counselling if she does want back. I am not sure if it will happen or not, it is up to her. I know her new relationship will fail. She met the guy and a week later is "in a relationship" with him, maybe 5 weeks after breaking it off with me. That is not healthy. She probably had me split black by then so for her is nothing.

Everything I have been reading about these things is to look after myself. And to not worry about her or her kids. Nothing I can do. I am better of moving on with my self and not to expect her to come back.

I do not hate her, and I said that in my letter. I do feel very sad about the while situation and feel sorry for her. What else is there to say?