Help Need tips on how to defuse anger, be happy again

[birdmama22]

I have been with my bf for 4 years now and at the beginning I did not notice the BPD signs. After we had a child together 3 years ago I started noticing things that were different. He often accuses me of having affairs and has extreme mood swings and a lot of anger. I believe it's starting to affect our child. I would like to stay with him and work through it but I am extremely stressed about this. My family does not like him and I feel like I am isolated from my close friends since I became involved with him. I am currently reading Stop walking on Eggshells in hopes that it will give me some insight on what to do but I am desperate.

Anyone else had a similar issue and I really need tips on how I can diffuse the anger of my BPD and help him work through it to be happy once again.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi birdmama22,

I am glad you have joined us here. As you get to know the community better we hope you will post and reply and offer support to others as well. We all share and learn together through these challenging situations.

After what happened to me tonight I feel a bit sheepish to discuss deescalation. I should have done a better job of it myself! Sometimes the BPD winds blow pretty hard and things can get very out of hand.

Toss all you thought you knew about relationships and be ready to relearn it all. It will be worth it. No matter what. Some of the lessons will seem to go against your instincts, but try to stay open and really challenge yourself to do what you can as that is all you have any control over.

Don't JADE. is something we talk about a lot here. (Don't justify, argue, defend, or explain).  This can help as insults, blame and accusations get tossed at you.

wishing you peace, pearl.

[braveSun]

birdmama22 

I would like to join pearlsw and welcome you to bpdfamily. It's a good place. Many people here have dealt with extreme anger and mood swings. You are not alone.

I am sorry that you find yourself having to deal with these difficult emotions. It can be stressful indeed.

One thing that comes to my mind, is that there is a way to stop the bleeding when the going get going. I have practiced walking away for a few minutes when things get to a place that deteriorates. Something to keep in mind might be to make sure you're not walking away indefinitely, because of the fear of abandonment. Rather taking a time out, saying you'll return when things are calmer between you, you're coming back in _____ minutes...

The link pearlsw shared about JADEing is a good place to start your reading. I would maybe add this.

Let us know your thoughts

Brave