Where to start, how to make it possible detaching.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My pwBPD who is living with me with her daughter of 7 and pregnant with another man's child decreed a few days ago that it's over.
Her reasons are apparently I'm very unfair with her daughter and treat her differently to my daughter and she can't cope with it any more.
I obviously disagree with her reasons and think what she blames on me is just children being children.
Either way she has said it's over.
The problem is how do I detach. We have been in this cycle many times and each time I have fought to get her back for some reason, even last time when she became pregnant to a random fling.
So now whilst I love her, I feel more able to let go and move on.
However, she is 32 weeks pregnant, no where to go, no money and with no one to take her in
What do I do?
I know as long as she is in my house she will be hard work, it will be hard for my daughter too and I really have no idea what to do or where to start. Or even what I'll do if she changes her mind which obviously does happen sometimes.
I've compromised on the relationship so much and really gone way below my bottom limits time and again.
I just don't know how to move this on and how to get her gone so I can move in with my life and look after my daughter.
Help, advise all welcome.
Thanks l

[Robbland]

My pwBPD who is living with me with her daughter of 7 and pregnant with another man's child decreed a few days ago that it's over.
Her reasons are apparently I'm very unfair with her daughter and treat her differently to my daughter and she can't cope with it any more.
I obviously disagree with her reasons and think what she blames on me is just children being children.
Either way she has said it's over.
The problem is how do I detach. We have been in this cycle many times and each time I have fought to get her back for some reason, even last time when she became pregnant to a random fling.
So now whilst I love her, I feel more able to let go and move on.
However, she is 32 weeks pregnant, no where to go, no money and with no one to take her in
What do I do?
I know as long as she is in my house she will be hard work, it will be hard for my daughter too and I really have no idea what to do or where to start. Or even what I'll do if she changes her mind which obviously does happen sometimes.
I've compromised on the relationship so much and really gone way below my bottom limits time and again.
I just don't know how to move this on and how to get her gone so I can move in with my life and look after my daughter.
Help, advise all welcome.
Thanks l

[Hadenoughtimes4]

Robbland, as hard as it is to give you my opinion... .run, don't walk. She is NOT your responsibility, you are your responsibility. She is having a child from another man? What possibly keeps you in such a relationship. Remember if you adopt that child or put YOUR name on the birth certificate you will be responsible for child support for 18 years or longer depending on State law where you live. Run... .don't walk

[Starfire]

What are your living arrangements specifically?  Do you rent or own?  Whose name is on the lease/deed?

If you are in control of the home (you own or lease), then her decision to leave is hers to make.  If she says it is over, then your responsibility is to ensure that she no longer has access to the home.  For instance, change the locks.   

If she is in control of the home, then your responsibility is to pack and go.  Turn over any keys you have.

This sounds harsh, I'm sure, but this is a grown woman who has made a decision to end her relationship with you.  These are the consequences of that decision.  Her daughter and her pregnancy are tangential to that.  That's an important distinction - HER daughter and HER pregnancy.

Of course, you are concerned for her, so you could offer to pack her things for her.  You might even go so far as to offer to pay for or arrange to move her things, if you are capable of doing so.

[SerendipityChild]

However, she is 32 weeks pregnant, no where to go, no money and with no one to take her in
What do I do?
I know as long as she is in my house she will be hard work, it will be hard for my daughter too and I really have no idea what to do or where to start. Or even what I'll do if she changes her mind which obviously does happen sometimes.

Wow... .I can just imagine the dilemma you're in. She pregnant with someone else's child yet she and her daughter lives with you. I admire your courage, patience and generosity. However think of your future as well.
Does she have any family she can turn to for help? Sounds like yet another huge commitment for you if she stayed. Once she delivers the baby it will be much more harder for you to separate. You will be vilified and made  feel guilty. Like everyone says please detach before it's too late. But of course that is all up to you.

[Mutt]

Hi Robbland,

Where's the father of the child?

I've compromised on the relationship so much and really gone way below my bottom limits time and again.

How do you feel inside do you feel like you've hit your limit and you're done with the r/s or do you have more left inside of you? I think that before detachment you have to know that you have nothing left and that you're done with the r/s - that's your first step.

Are you done with the r/s?

[spero]

Hi there Robbland, i join Mutt in sending greetings.

The problem is how do I detach.
We have been in this cycle many times and each time I have fought to get her back for some reason, even last time when she became pregnant to a random fling.

So now whilst I love her, I feel more able to let go and move on.
However, she is 32 weeks pregnant, no where to go, no money and with no one to take her in

What do I do?

This really is a difficult situation, i suppose now you're grappling with four main things - yourself, her daughter, you responsibility toward her, and her.
I suppose 3 out of 4 of these major factors, you'll be able to put thing in place and make progress.

I've intentionally separated your own situation and your responsibility toward her since, that seems to be one of the major dilemmas you're currently dealing with.
I don't have a clear answer, but out of the 3 items that you can deal with, ( i'm leaving your pwBPD out of the picture first ) which do you feel ready to deal with that the moment? And unfortunately you might not be given the luxury to deal with them one at a time.

More, importantly, how do you feel about yourself right now? That perhaps would be a good place to start at, which would determine how much you can bear and manage at the moment. You've mentioned that you've been dealing with these cycles for several rounds. So i am also concerned that, such situations are especially mentally draining and tiring to deal with on a daily basis. How are you keeping right now? Are you managing this alone? Is there anyone else amongst your circle of friends who is aware about all these things which are happening in your life at this moment?

Yours,
Spero