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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Msg to ex (NC)  (Read 762 times)
Chitchat
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
« on: October 03, 2018, 08:40:47 AM »
Happy birthday to me
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Che sara, sara.
Skip
Site Director
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7053
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2018, 09:51:30 AM »
Happy birthday.
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Chitchat
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2018, 12:04:06 AM »
Thank you, Skip!

I opened this thread over dinner al fresco, joined by an inspirational friend.

The sad part of the meal was confirmation of a bereavement from another friend (automated email reply), update on a suicide, and reading the forum here 'My BPD died'.

The best part over the course of the day was reconnecting with some amazing people who I had thought of but not heard from in years. And starting a new musical blog. I met some more friends in the early hours before bed.

The serendipity was wishing myself a happy birthday here, a narrow escape. I had steeled myself to celebrate alone and ended up doing the opposite. My BPD ex, bristling with malice, crashed my late night celebration about one in the morning but disappeared without a word.

I've never known a better or surer way to get unknown people happy and involved than putting in song requests places I go, even doing the odd quiet dj spot. Here's the first song on the new blog

https://youtu.be/etviGf1uWlg

(Deee-lite - Groove is in the Heart)
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Che sara, sara.
spero
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 224


*beep beep!*
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2018, 01:07:58 AM »
Happy Birthday to you, ChitChat.

How would you be doing?

Warmly,
Spero
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Chitchat
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2018, 07:50:59 AM »
I'd be doing splendid, Spero. And how about you? 
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Che sara, sara.
Chitchat
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2018, 07:52:08 AM »
Você quer brincar na neve - Frozen Studio de Dança Bruna Pacheco - YouTube

https://youtu.be/FOe0nt4WERc
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Che sara, sara.
BasementDweller
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 446
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2018, 07:56:06 AM »
Happy Birthday, Chitchat! 

I loved your use of the phrase "bristling with malice"... .   not a nice thing to endure, but excellent visual image. That's exactly what my ex was like when I had to see him on Tuesday. He called today to apologize. I nearly fainted. 

I'm glad your birthday turned out ok in the end - good music saves lives. ;-)
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Chitchat
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2018, 01:50:27 AM »
   everyone is invited next year 

You are right about music, bdweller. And I am hoping with you that your ex gives you the respect you deserve, for his sons' sake and yours.  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)
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Che sara, sara.
spero
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 224


*beep beep!*
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2018, 02:11:15 PM »
Quote from: Chitchat on October 04, 2018, 07:50:59 AM
I'd be doing splendid, Spero. And how about you? 

Howdy Chitchat,

I'm good mostly, im almost a year into NC. Its been tough but it will be okay.
Hope you've learned many things along the way through this process as I have as well.

Yours,
Spero
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Chitchat
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Romantic (on - off) August 2017 to June 2018. DV. Both reached out but both mostly No Contact since.
Posts: 106
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2018, 12:53:11 PM »
  I've been saving the last bit of glitter for you, Spero!  Five months into NC for me. Not exactly smooth. But who knows what will happen tomorrow? 
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Che sara, sara.
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