How did I miss it.

[cpnewcastle]

   My daughter is 31 years old.  Over a year ago she said a therapist said she had BPD.  I didn't know what it was so I didn't respond.  6 months ago she said the therapist said she had an abusive personality.  I dismissed this by saying "No you don't"  when I knew she really had.  She has mentioned that she has shame many times but I didn't know what that meant so again I let it pass.  I have been falling down on the job dismissing her when she was obviously wanting to open a discussion otherwise she wouldn't of brought it up. After seeing your Dr. Jekyll video, I was amazed, it explained everything.  Another big blow up and we are not talking again.  This has been going on for years.  Is there a new way and how do I find it.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi cpnewcastle  

Welcome to bpdfamily, I'm glad you've joined us for support, though sorry what brings you here. Many of us like you are new to BPD on joining the forum, you are not alone, many parents are in similar situations.   It is most encouraging your daughter is self aware, acknowledges her disorder, and has reached out for help with therapy is very positive. Knowing she has your support and understanding of what she's going through will help her forwards. What you didn't know, you didn't know then, now you do know you can help yourself and her.

You ask is there a new way and how do you find it. My advice to you is to start learning here with us about the disorder, start with thread Lessons: what a parent can do at the top of this board, I recommend you read
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality by Shari Manning
To your right   are tools and lessons to help improve communicating with our loved ones. Take your good time.

How are you feeling? You say another big blow up and you are not talking again? What happened?

Is your daughter living with you at home? Is anyone else living with you?

We're here and we are listening, welcome again.

WDx  

[Feeling Better]

Hello cpnewcastle

I would like to join wendydarling in welcoming you here 

I have been falling down on the job dismissing her when she was obviously wanting to open a discussion otherwise she wouldn't of brought it up. After seeing your Dr. Jekyll video, I was amazed, it explained everything.  Another big blow up and we are not talking again.  This has been going on for years.  Is there a new way and how do I find it.

Try not to be hard on yourself, lots of parents come here, me included, blaming themselves for not doing this or that, if we don’t understand what is going on and we don’t know how to help or even if there is any help out there, it can be extremely difficult to know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear that you have had another big blow up and are not talking again. You say that it has been going on for years, you must be feeling exhausted with all the drama, I am really glad that you have come here for help and support.

I hope to hear some more from you x