Over it--finally

[Getoverit]

Approaching six months since I last saw him. I've had contact here and there via email and phone, but refused to meet in person. Maybe it's a conicidence but he's the one who had told me initially that all he needed was six months to get over his ex (I don't believe he's over here, but not my problem anymore).

Having a good therapist to remind me that I need to be easier on myself and when I "relapse" I must keep in mind that recovery doesn't happen over night. With baby steps I'm closer to being completely free of him. So, please do patient with yourselves everyone, and you will overcome.

I think what helped the most, sadly enough, is having him feel like he's rejecting me and that I'm the problem. I recall reading several posts where the separation/divorce/breakup was finalized once the BPD individual felt like he/she was ending the relationship. There is much truth to that. I am ashamed to admit that I tried my best to be as obnoxious as possible, pressing his buttons exaggerated CRAZY and all. It goes against my morals and character, but I became exhausted trying to speak to him with love and compassion, not to mention treating him like a person who can understand.

He had to feel empowered and disgusted. His last words to me were the usual, and he will deny it but I'm certain he thrives on putting me down. Once I became "not worth it" --again-- , among other things, he was at peace.

It's sad that a relationship has to be so costly and end this way. I, however, choose to forgive myself for having made several mistakes and will continue to value this experience. As difficult as it was, I gained tremendous insight about myself, and I learned more than I lost.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi Getoverit,

It's good that you are being kind to yourself and patiently working your way through recovering.  I can be impatient with myself, and then I look back and see how far I have come.  Baby steps have been the best way for me, too.  These things didn't happen overnight and they cannot be left behind overnight.

What is your next step?

Thanks for sharing your good news!

Mustbeabetterway

[Sirnut]

I, however, choose to forgive myself for having made several mistakes and will continue to value this experience. As difficult as it was, I gained tremendous insight about myself, and I learned more than I lost.

The thing about mistakes is that you have to make them in order to learn from them. With that understanding, it’s easier to forgive yourself.

[Getoverit]

Hi Mustbeabetterway, Thank you for your reply. My next move is to continue to do what I've been doing and enjoy good company and spend time with positive people. I realized that he is a major downer and I was trying too hard to uplift his spirits constantly. His negativity was contagious and I couldn't deal with it. Of course, not knowing that I couldn't deal with it, pushing myself too hard to tolerate the abuse and unhappiness exacerbated the effects. Once I started to pull away and surround myself with happy again I felt it was easier to see how dangerous it is to be with him.

He got his way, I believe, and I can live with that. There are no more challenges, no more strife, no more drama, no more disillusionment. It's liberating to face the truth and move on.

[Lostinthedesert]

Thanks for sharing your progress Getoverit.  It is helpful to read of other's success in their detachment and healing and gives me hope to get to the light on the other side!

[Mustbeabetterway]

That sounds like a good plan, Getoverit.  More of the good stuff!    

Mustbe