HELP needed & appreciated...new to group...

[Tom Bat]

Hi All, Just joined the group.Would appreciate suggestions on how to deal with an Adult Child who has BPD. For the last 8 years, we thought she had BiPolar 2, but after reading2books: Walking on Eggshells and I Hate you,Don't Leave Me she fits many of the categories. We,as parents, are exhausted, racked with so much uncertainty on how to proceed with our relationship.  On our last meeting, several days ago, she told us she never wants to see us again.Any parent out there,knows just how difficult it is to hear these words! Any feedback would be so appreciated. Thank you!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PeaceMom]

Hi Tom,
Just checking in here and wanted to welcome you. I’m so sorry about your situation and the discovery that the Dx might be BPD. My DD19 is not officially diagnosed, but it was a “working” diagnosis during her last inpatient psych ward stay.

It is so crushing to hear, “I never want to see you again”. After reading this blog for a few months, I’d guess that we have all heard that exact phrase from our children w/BPD.

I’ve read that they tend to target the strongest parent with projecting all their self-hatred, shame and guilt on us.

The things my daughter has said to me would give my friends w/ mentally healthy kids heart failure (and I’m not exaggerating).

Others will welcome you here, we all understand what you are going thru and how terrible it feels. You are not alone.

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Tom
I join Peace Mom in welcoming you here. I am sorry for all you are going through with your daughter. The good news is with understanding and good communications skills thing can get better. Here is a good place to start. How to get the most out of this site  What else.are you comfortable sharing about your daughter? What are your main concerns at this point?
Faith

[livednlearned]

On our last meeting, several days ago, she told us she never wants to see us again.

Has she done this before?

What do you think led her to feel she couldn't see you again?

In some BPD relationships, simple communication skills and small tweaks to how we interact can make a world of difference. Do you feel comfortable sharing some of the behaviors that concern you?

Maybe we can walk with you and brainstorm how best to respond.

[Rosheger]

Welcome Tom!  Yes, I can relate.  My daughter has said those words, and worse, to me many times.  I am getting a lot out of the book "Loving Someone with BPD" - it even breaks down how to communicate with our loved ones and it is a whole different language.  I see why she has misintepreted my good intentions as I read this book.  We all get it and are here for you.