my feeling-free life is over

[Euler2718]

I'm trying to figure out my feelings, since I never had them much, it's gonna be awhile. Meanwhile my dad keeps calling, but it's irritating to me-- he can only discuss the stock market or hair conditioner. It's like he has no feelings. It makes him totally uninteresting to me. I wish he would stop bothering me for awhile but I'm too polite to say that. I can let it go to voicemail though.

The BPD was so emotional it let me experience important things. I'm still angry, though ,-- maybe at myself for being broken so long and all or mostly unaware. I need help (I'm getting it and doing all I can for myself). I miss her and want her back but she's moved on. It's hellish.

But at least I can become a whole person (a more whole person) now. THERE, I felt three things, irritation, anger, loneliness.

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[Euler2718]

Another subtler thing is how invalidating it is to be going through a breakup (I gsve my parents only the smallest info since we're far apart emotionally) but then they seem to not understand the hurt -- like I care what the stock market is doing right now. It's like my hurt should be over in 3-4days like it's the flu. I feel like I lost my wife (she was only my gf in reality but that's how I feel) and my life. It's not trivial to me.

[zachira]

I hear you when you say how painful it is to really feel deeply some painful feelings you have been avoiding for a long time. You are right that you can become a whole person by letting yourself feel your feelings. Know that by observing the uncomfortable feelings that you will eventually be able to feel better than you ever have with time and patience and observing all your feelings without judgment. There is no such thing as a bad feeling. Feelings are a guide to where we are and what we need to do. When we stuff our feelings, than they can erupt into terrible long felt unhappiness. If we take time out every day to just sit and observe our feelings, than no uncomfortable feeling will last for too long. Have you ever thought of trying meditation? I like meditation because it allows me to deal with some long term painful problems that will never disappear from my life and most of the time, I process my sorrow and have a pretty happy day overall.

[Euler2718]

I just did a self guided meditation from YouTube so I could start to forgive myself, but maybe I have to do it 50 times to get there, does that sound typical? It also makes me sleepy.

[zachira]

Glad to hear you have tried meditation. The important thing is to do it every day for 30-60 minutes along with checking in with yourself throughout the day about how you are feeling. You might want to take a meditation course based on Jon Cabot Zinn's or Kristen Neff's work. Meditation is basically doing something quiet for 30-60 minutes while observing your feelings, thoughts, and body sensations that allows you to stay present in the moment. Feeling sleepy may be your body trying to shut down and ignore the overwhelming feelings. I had to go to therapy for a long time before I could stay present enough to do meditation because I have a long history of being abused by my family since my birth.

[Harri]

Good job on getting more in touch with your feelings.  also, guided meditation is a great thing to do.  Like zachira said, it is good, even necessary, to incorporate it into your daily routine.  It is not a one and done sort of thing... .nor is it a 50 and done sort of thing.  It is a life style.

[Harri]

Euler, I was going through and cleaning out my bookmarks and came across this old favorite of mine.  It really helped me find a label for my feelings.  It worked better than a facial expression chart
Feelings Wheel

[Euler2718]

Got it. Saved it to Google drive. Do you have a feeling, then start at the inside of the circle and move out a ring it two until you find the appropriate feeling? Is that how its used?

[Harri]

Well, since I too was and still have difficulty identifying my feelings, I use it both ways.  Mostly though, if I am angry, I will look at the center and work out and see what else might fit.  I can identify anger, happiness (the biggies and more basic feelings in my mind) so working out from the center makes sense for me most of the time. 

With the ones on the outer circle, I did not always know what the underlying category was, so if I felt frustrated I could move inward.

So I guess the answer is, whatever works!  haha  But I think going from the center outward might be more common.

I hope it is helpful.