feeling isolated

[feelingalone12]

I just recently came across the answer to my question, "What just happened and why is he behaving like this?" It is frightening to have someone practically flip a switch and go from treating you like the most imporatant and precious person in the world to public enemy #1. How do you cope with this transition?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi feelingalone12 and

its such a relief to learn that there is a name for, and explanations for what youre experiencing, and even more so to learn that there are others walking in your shoes, no?

im glad you reached out and i hope youll stick around and make yourself at home here as part of the family. there is real hope.

tell us more. how long have you been with your partner? are you married? whats going on between the two of you currently?

[Radcliff]

Let me join once removed in welcoming you!  Tell us more about your situation, and we'll be happy to help you through learning ways to cope and make life better.

RC

[isilme]

feelingalone12

Hi - I don't always cope very well.  I guess that is normal, as it hurts quite badly for them to flip on us.  Often, we aren't even the cause of the flip, just the target for all the rage and anger tied to their negative feelings. 

If possible, if you can, taking a break and trying to immerse yourself in things you enjoy, or at least that can take your mind off of it, and allow some distance from the hurtful behavior can help.  Reminding yourself it's not really YOU, but a condition they can't always control causing it. 

You ever snap at someone when you have a fever or the flu?  You really don't mean it so much as you feel bad and lose the ability to control it.  I think/hope it's kind of like that - their feelings = facts, and so facts for them shift like water. 

I hope you are doing okay.

[Chosen]

If possible, if you can, taking a break and trying to immerse yourself in things you enjoy, or at least that can take your mind off of it, and allow some distance from the hurtful behavior can help.  Reminding yourself it's not really YOU, but a condition they can't always control causing it. 

Hi feelingalone12,

I second what isilme said.  And also remember the good in him.  Tell yourself that BPD is a part of him, is not his whole being.  One thing that helps me a lot is not to dwell on what he says (and it's really hard not to, but I try to do it anyway), because he says a lot of really, really hurtful stuff that I feel ashamed to repeat.  I tell myself, it's his way of voicing out his negative feelings, and because he is not emotionally mature enough to process the feelings, he has to resort to using very primitive, childish means to do so.