Inappropriate behavior?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

H now has been nibbling on S3's ears while "playing" with him. He likes to nibble on his neck too. I have been teaching S3 ways to distract H when he gets overbearing in "playing" with him (he likes to pin him down and "wrestle" with him but does not sense when S3 is distressed or does not care). S3 will say "no,no,no" and H says "yes,yes,yes" and continues what he's doing until S3 groans or screeches and manages to roll or run away and come to me. I have been documenting this and other strange/frightening behaviors and how S3 and I react. I have been trying to stay as long as possible to protect S3 from being alone with H, but I am now having severe sleep problems from the anxiety of wondering if I'm doing the right thing, how this is affecting S3 and the lines between what is and is not appropriate are becomming blurred. The "play" sessions are a nightly occurrence again. They had slowed down for a while.

Thank you in advance for any input.

[NeedsHelp]

H now has been nibbling on S3's ears while "playing" with him. He likes to nibble on his neck too. I have been teaching S3 ways to distract H when he gets overbearing in "playing" with him (he likes to pin him down and "wrestle" with him but does not sense when S3 is distressed or does not care). S3 will say "no,no,no" and H says "yes,yes,yes" and continues what he's doing until S3 groans or screeches and manages to roll or run away and come to me. I have been documenting this and other strange/frightening behaviors and how S3 and I react. I have been trying to stay as long as possible to protect S3 from being alone with H, but I am now having severe sleep problems from the anxiety of wondering if I'm doing the right thing, how this is affecting S3 and the lines between what is and is not appropriate are becomming blurred. The "play" sessions are a nightly occurrence again. They had slowed down for a while.

Thank you in advance for any input.

[Harri]

Hi.  My biggest issue with this is that your husband is ignoring son saying no to this and the obvious signs that he is not having fun and enjoying it.

Nibbling on his ear... .like he would yours?  I would call that inappropriate especially when coupled with the above.

[NeedsHelp]

Hi.  My biggest issue with this is that your husband is ignoring son saying no to this and the obvious signs that he is not having fun and enjoying it.

Nibbling on his ear... .like he would yours?  I would call that inappropriate especially when coupled with the above.

This is how I feel too. The nibbling is with his lips over his teeth. He will lay next to S3 after or while "wrestling" with him and hold him from getting away and nibble or bite on his neck and ears repeatedly. I think it bothers S3, but he wants to please his dad and sometimes just lays there looking confused and overwhelmed.

[Harri]

It is hard to say what is going on with your sons responses.  It sounds like overstimulation and ignoring personal boundaries on the part of your husband.  I don't think there is a sexual component from what your wrote but it is definitely inappropriate. 

Have you said "stop he is not enjoying that"?  Or told your son it is okay to say "No daddy I don't like that?"

Poor little guy. 

[NeedsHelp]

It sounds like overstimulation and ignoring personal boundaries on the part of your husband.  I don't think there is a sexual component from what your wrote but it is definitely inappropriate. 

Have you said "stop he is not enjoying that"?  Or told your son it is okay to say "No daddy I don't like that?"

Poor little guy. 

That's how it appears to me as well. I have told him in the past to say "please stop" when H was grabbing his toys away from him. It made H very angry and I risked him threatening D again. S3 is able to say "don't like" sometimes. Sometimes H stops when he says this, sometimes not. H has been paying attention to when I am looking now. I see him look to see if I'm watching and back off, but when I am not in the same room I hear screaching sometimes or grunts of frustration and it is very hard. S3 is still so young and wants the approval of H. It is hard to know what behavior he does not mind and what he is just tolerating for H's approval.