Not sure how much longer I can tolerate GDs’ verbal abuse

[dubee2]

My adult granddaughter has BPD and bipolar. She has a 7 year old child with autism. I am the only one that has much to do with her and quite frankly I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with her. He son is the sweetest child
I love him but she uses him to get to me. Anytime she has a bad day I get to be the person she takes it out on. She continues to try to get me in her drama. She has very few friends now . My daughter, her mother has nothing to do with her.
I have started to set boundaries. Like if she calls ranting at me, that I do nothing for her. Everything is my fault that her life is lonely. If I don’t agree with her she get real verbal as to I’m never going to see her son. I don’t love them etc. then she hangs upon me. Then proceeds to send 30 texts outlining how it is my fault about anything in her life . At this point I state she is not going to be abusive to me and stop all communication with her.

She does not work and lives in one of my rental rent free. I can not take her abuse but don’t want them homeless
I own the fact that that I did spoil her growing up. But she is 28 and I’m at a loss how to deal with her. Any help, guidance would be great

,

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi dubee2 and

I'm so sorry to hear you are the target of your granddaughter's verbal lashing out, but I'm glad you reached out for support here. Your story will cause a lot of heads to start nodding, yes... .we get it, you are not alone.

You are very kind to allow her to live in your rental home rent-free, safety for her and your beloved great-grandson.

I'm also a grandma (memaw); my four-year-old grandson (GS4) and his mom, my 25-year-old daughter with BPD (DD25) have lived with me since April 2018. So I do understand the heartache that comes with hearing "you don't love me, it's all your fault I'm like this, etc." Nothing is further from the truth, right?

I hope you'll settle in and become part of the family here. We are all parents learning together and supporting each other. It helps to post, read and respond in others' threads, a support group is important for our own well-being. We feel less alone, can vent to others who understand as nobody else can, and learn new ways to relate to our loved ones in hopes of ending the cycle of conflict. It's exhausting!

A good place to start is the thread pinned to the top of this board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE. It's got some of our best articles.

Is your granddaughter accepting of her diagnosis? In treatment of any kind?

I look forward to getting to know you and how we can best support you.

Again, welcome!

~ OH

[Mutt]

Hi dubee2,



Id like to join Only Human and welcome you to bpdfamily. Im sorry for the circumstances that led you here. I don’t have any grand children I have kids with a ex with BPD traits I understanding the lashing out and incessant emails and texts.

Why she was like this before you set boundaries with the frequency of the texts? It sounds like extinction bursts, you said that she takes it out on you she’s used to that pattern and when you change the pattern the behavior worsens until it Finley reaches its peak which is an extinction burst then it drops ofc and she’ll finally stop. I know it’s tough I think that you came at the right time.

Here’s an article that should help you understand what’s going on. Hang in there.

BEHAVIORS: Extinction Bursts

[dubee2]

Thank you for responding to my post. It is wonderful to learn I’m not alone in this.
It is constant worry on my part. My GD has meds but mostly does not take them.  She does Smoke weed when available to her. At times she discusses stoping weed

I just hope at some point she can carve out a life for her and my GGS.
Thanks agin for your help

[wendydarling]

Hi dubee2

I'd also like to welcome you along with Only Human and Mutt and hope you are finding the site and conversations helpful. It is a challenge supporting family like you are, my 30yr daughter lives at home, no GC, she is respectful. She's doing well, though it's on my mind how she'll support herself, independently. It's my next step. Have you any thoughts on how to help your granddaughter live independently? Tough stuff, doable though 

WDx