Dealing with messed up Canadian system - I'm fighting a losing battle

[canadian mom]

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle to get my 15 year old D help here in Ontario, Canada.  Though I am very glad that she is in secure treatment at the moment, but her court order is up in September.  :) is not consenting to going to residential treatment after her order is up.  She says she will not do any treatment willing. So the choices being offered to us by her treatment facility are, bring her home in September (and life goes back to the way it was before treatment... .suicidal attempts and frequent hosptial visits) or don't pick her up and the facility calls CAS and she gets sent to a group home or shelter and pretty much left to her own devices (her current choice is suicide).  :) is very resisitant to treatment.  I am just having a very hard time beliving there is no other help out there for my D.
Does any one out there have any experience navigating the sysytem in Canada.  I feel like I am continually banging my head up against a brick wall!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

   Welcome Canadian mom,

    So, no I'm not in Canada. What I am is a mom just like you, having already banged my own head against the brick walls here in the states. Even with the best insurance, if a child doesn't want therapy you can't make them. Even if you forced it, what god would it do? The teenage years are soo hard. My daughter is on the Autism spectrum, when she was given the diagnosis of Asburgers instead of full blown Autism, there was no help for her; she didn't meet the criteria. We didn't get the BPD diagnosis until she was 28. Wow, another whole world to try to figure out.
   I'm sorry that you have found yourself here on this board but, here is a good place. This place has been a literal saving grace to me. My daughter too has been hospitalized several times. And yes there was a time in her teenage years when I didn't pick her up. It was heart breaking for me, I was so used up, had nothing left and no options, she went into the adult foster system at 18.
   Everything about BPD is a hard learning experience for us as parents. That's why all the tools here are so helpful. Remember Canadian mom things don't have to go back to the way were before, take in EVERYTHING here, the tools, videos, books, lessons (S.E.T is fantastic) ------------------>> >>
Prepare yourself with all you can while you can.  Take care, post again, let us know how it's going for you.

[Slipping]

Hi Canadian Mom  

So glad that you've found this site, it was a life-saver for me. I'm the mom of an adult daughter suffering with BPD and suicidal ideation that began when she was young like your daughter. As you read other posts here, you'll see that many of us have children who refuse treatment, or start treatment and drop out. I remember being startled that there were so many other families facing the same challenges, when for so many years I felt so alone.

Good for you for your persistence, and refusing to believe that there is no other avenue for help. It is a fight some days to keep going, but there is help and hope.

I'm not in Canada, but I'm involved with a BPD group here in the US. Going from memory, I recall hearing about an active group in Canada that was formed by parents who lost their daughter to BPD and have turned to helping other families.  Have you heard of the Sashbear Foundation? Here's a link to their resource list and then you might check out their main page as well. Maybe they will have specific info about the Canadian system if you get in touch with them. I also see that they are running Family Connections classes (where family members learn the skills to cope with their BPD family member).

www.sashbear.org/en/resources-main/resources-main-list

I sincerely hope that you find the help you need for your daughter. And don't forget to take care of yourself too. The skills that you can learn here can make an huge difference in your relationship with your daughter and your own ability to cope.

[Daisy123]

Hello Canadian Mom,
I can hear your frustration. It’s got to be so aggravating  knowing your daughter is refusing treatment. I wish I had info on the Canadian system that could help you.
I have had a similar situation. My daughter was in rehab for about 35 days. She had a Xanax addiction. We all sat together and planned aftercare, a partial hospital program with DBT and ACT forms of treatment. We set limits stating she’d need to remain in treatment in order to keep her phone. DD20 refused. Then she dropped out of her 1x per week therapy session for nearly 6 weeks. In that time, things have worsened. She’s had 7 violent outbursts and we think it’s medically induced by new meds.
So I looked into residential centers focusing on med washes. 25,000$ per month! Not gonna happen.
Right now I’m in a Family Connections class and have visited, posted here numerous times. I’ve spent a great deal of time learning about being mindful and communication. To the right of this board or so many resources I’ve come to rely upon. My hope is that as my husband and I learn to rebuild our relationship, violent outbursts and all, that my DD will come around and get back into treatment. DD has made it back to therapy last week, baby steps. I’ve told husband and DD that we all share the same goal, getting DD off meds so she can have some peace.
She’s agreed she needs higher levels of treatment and frankly, if she got into resident, she’d. Probably get kicked out for violent outbursts.
You have shown such dedication and strength - you’ve not given up on trying to find treatment.

Daisy123

[Isanni]

I'm in Canada too. I also cannot get help - nothing substantial. I've told the psychiatrist and her team and the private therapist and family therapist that I'd do and pay anything but they have no solutions other than to call 911. I can't even get the government to take my kid out of the house (threatening me, herself, and creating a lot of chaos for our younger one).

I heard Ontario is really bad - no resources for mental health. But there is Camh. Apparently that is the place to send them. However, I bet - like here in Montreal/Amcal and in the US 3East - they have to be willing to go. My kid is also not willing.

How did it turn out?