Shielding small child from family member with potential BPD

[Anonyphant]

Hi, first post here.
I have an extended (but close) family member who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and BPD seems to be likely as well (or instead?). Right now, this person is in an intensive out patient program and living with another family member nearby. The time may come in a couple of weeks when that situation needs to change. There’s a possibility that this person will have to live in my home, and I have a three year old. I’m trying to understand whatever I need to know about having this person in the house with my child. How can I shield my child from being affected by this? Would the situation be ok, or is it something we should try to avoid?

I know I probably need to provide more info on the situation, but I’m not sure where to begin.

[DharmaGate]

Anonyphant, that is a excellent name! Mostly saying hi and welcome are there specifics you are worried about with this person?  Being diagnosed bipolar or BPD in itself does not make them dangerous to kids. Good job looking for info and protecting your child. Glad your here

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.  You ask a great question as I am sure you are concerned.  What sort of experience have you had with people with BPD?  Is this person the first one you have had a relationship with?  Do you know what some of this person key issues are?

In general, I think having good strong boundaries will help in any situation, not just a relationship with a pwBPD (person with BPD).  How are you with boundaries and communicating them? 

We can help you strategize and learn communication strategies that can go a long way in helping reduce conflict.  Why not tell us some more so we can help you better?

[Turkish]

One could have both BPD and BP. Is there a history of behaviors which lead you to have concerns,  or is your concern more in general given the Dx? How has she interacted with your 3 year old in the past?

[Anonyphant]

To provide more info, the person hasn’t done anything specific that makes me worry about him being around my child, but he is being manipulative to those around him, and he was hurting himself before we got him help. My child is very perceptive for a little one, so I’m worried about her witnessing the instability and explaining it in a way that respects the pwBPD. This is all very new, as far as him getting help.

As a family, we are also trying to figure out how best to help him get stable, but we are worried about transitioning him back to self sufficiency. It seems like helping him could quickly become enabling negative behavior.

[Harri]

Hi again.  Thanks for more information about the situation.  It is great that he will have such a great support system but you are right to want to be prepared.  I am wondering if the people working with him in in-patient know what sort of home situation he will have when he gets out and if they would have some more specific information to help you.  Not that we can't support you, because we can and will, but they will know him better than us.

In the meantime, I thought of this article we have when i was reading this thread earlier today.  I think you may find it useful in terms of what you can expect The Do's and Don'ts in a BPD Relationship

I would recommend watching how he is when around your child.  Also know that if he uses emotional manipulation type of behaviors with you and other adults he probably will with kids too.  Many of our members on this board who have family members with BPD and who also have children choose not to leave them unsupervised withe the pwBPD (person with BPD). 

Read the article I linked when you can and if you ahve questions we can talk more.  We also have a board that is geared towards Bettering a Relationship with a pwBPD.  It is geared more towards romantic relationships but anyone can read and post there.  I only mention it because that is where tools and skills are discussed and practiced the most on this site. 

Let's talk more.