My boyfriend has BPD and depression and I am constantly walking on eggshells

[janedoe23]

My boyfriend has BPD and depression. He takes no medication. We live together and I am constantly walking on eggshells worried that I may say something to trigger a rage. His rages usually last for hours, sometimes into the next morning. I am a pretty sensitive person and sometimes fight depression myself. His anger can be triggered over the most minimal things. I am beginning to seriously want out of this relationship. It is giving me so much anxiety.  He also wants to be with me 24/7. I am a person who needs alone time now and then to process and regroup. Especially with the anxiety I am experiencing from his rages. When he is angry with me, he demonizes me and tears me down until I feel like a complete nothing. It is becoming unbearable. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi janedoe23, and

can you give us some recent examples? we can walk them through.

[Radcliff]

 
Let me join once removed in welcoming you to bpdfamily.  You've found a supportive community where you can learn coping skills to help make things better.  Can you tell us how much time you spend together?  Is he employed?  Are you?  (I'm thinking about your 24/7 comment and am hoping to better understand the situation).

RC

[janedoe23]

I am in a potentially dangerous situation with a loved one with intense BPD and don't know how to deal with him.

[Urist McNewt]

Hi Janedoe

Your situation sounds a lot like mine.  For years I would have to tiptoe around him to avoid his anger, his rages, and when they came they could last hours or a day.  One thing I learned in the end was that while nothing I did could stop them or make them better, anything I did try would make them worse.

I'm new here, too, and joined after breaking up with my exwPWD, who was only diagnosed after we split.  I hope this forum helps you, too.

[Ozzie101]

Hi janedoe!

Are you safe right now?

[Skip]

We live together... // ...  I am beginning to seriously want out of this relationship. It is giving me so much anxiety.  

I'm sorry you are feeling so much anxiety and tear down in your relationship.

Two highly sensitive people in a relationship can be challenging. He's reacting to his mood (taking it out on you), and you are reacting to his reaction (as most of us would). Experts will tell you not to take all this personally - but how do you do that? It's not you.

The space thing is also a challenge. Some people like very little space and some like their private time. This is a challenge many couples face. I have faced it myself in relationships. Its not a right/wrong thing, but rather a style or preference.

We can help you with this. It's often best to take a specific incident and looking at it in hindsight to see how we might handle a similar event when it repeats.

[Skip]

Checking in. How you are doing?