Guidance in what to do now

[Beren2016]

Hi all.

My Girlfriend (who has BPD) broke up with me last night, i may yet be wrong but i dont think that there is a way back this time...

She expressed that she wasn't happy, without going into everything I think I boils down to her not feeling loved.

Now I love her deeply, and I want the things that she wants but she says that she doesn't see the evidence... .obviously things arnt that simple, we have both had an awefull year and a half with various mental health and stress problems and this has taken its toll on us and our relationship... there are alot of variables... .to her it is very black and white, it feels like she thinks it's all my fault I didn't do enough and it has been a waste of 7 years... .


Her feelings arnt wrong I ackowdgle that we have problems buy  I think that this could be a knee jerk reaction,  she is going through alot atm, she is concerned with getting old and has a extreme belief that she is going to die this year (no evidence that this is going to happen)... .I feel like she is feeling out of control and, while she is right about problems with us, i think ending the relationship is the only thing that she can control right now and she feel like it will make her happier...

This was a 7 year relastionship where i have been her primary caregiver with her ilness, i know that i have a need to help her and put her needs. I also feel like alot of problems over the years have been pit at my feet and this has taken its toll, especially after this break up she makes it sound like the whole relationship was a waste and it was all my fault. My question is, if this is the end, how do I begin to disconnect?

Thank you all

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pomilujme]

Hi,

I have the same problem with ex lover. She have symptoms of BPD. We were 3 years together, and now almost 6 months separated because i wanted to stop seeing her. And she can't cope with that. She can't accept it. She still send me messages, she still want's to see me, to continue relationship. Because of this i started to have problems with depression, small panic attacks and high blood pressure. Currently i am seeing psychiatrist because of my state. Before this relationship i never had the need to see psychiatrist. So it's not an easy task. I think there should be some strategy involved. But BPD's are highly intuitive and can recognize very good your feelings. Good luck!

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[Mutt]

Hi Beren2016,



I'm sorry to hear that you're going through difficulties with your pwBPD. It's a huge burden to be blamed for everything in the r/s and not seeming to have the ability to make the other person happy. I'm glad that you have found us there is hope.

I hope that you don't mind that I moved this over to the bettering board, I moved it because this just happened last night and the end of a r/s is not always clear, there could be lots of mini break ups until the big one.

It's hard to say what's going to happen, don't take the lion's share of the blame a r/s is thousands of transactions between two people, it's not one sided and people have to manage their own emotions, you're not responsible for someone else's feelings.

Are you done with the r/s?