I got finally proof that one accusation is not true

[LovingDad]

Hi everyone,

It has been a while since I have posted something. We are still having parenting mediation, but this goes really slow. Tomorrow we have only are third session together. After the first session my stbEx accused my partens and brother of sexual abuse of our son. I had to go to court to have the opportunity to see my son again. The judge let's me see him again, but I'm no longer allowed to go to my parents and brother anymore. A organisation callec Safe Home is doing an investigation now, but after 5 1/2 weeks I still haven't heard anything of them. In the beginning of januari I have spoken to them one time for an hour. At that meeting I gave them text messages, e-mails, court decisions en my summary of the last weeks as prove of my point of view that the accusations are just the next in line.

In January things started to go a little better between us. I try to do this for our son who is 5 years old. There came some accusations but they where minor. Las wednesday things changed. She ignored me on the chat through Whats-app that a normally have with my son. Last friday when I picked him up for our weekend together she look at me with an expression to kill. I didn't react on that.

Then yesterday she sent me a spoken message of my son where he says that we have been at my parents house. I heard it but later on she ereased the message on Whats App. I send her a message that I have heard it and that she accused me of sleeping with my son by my parents on the change to new year. Luckily I had than anticipated on that and have a video that there is fireworks and that my son is sleeping in his bed in my place. Which is proof that the accusation is false. Then I did this hoping that she would make this accusation so I finally had an opportunity the proof that she is maken false accusations.

So today I sent I email to my lawyer to ask her what the best course of actions is with this proof. I'm waiting for an answer. I think it will be wise to sent the proof the the organisation Safe Home for there investigation and maybe use it tomorrow in our appointment on parenting mediation. Please feel free to advice me on this. What is best?

Today and tomorrow will be exciting days. Tonight we have an appointment at our son's school. He is doing really good looking at the circumstances. Tomorrow we have out appointment on parenting mediation where there is much to win for me.

Greetings,

LovingDad

[worriedStepmom]

Great job on proactively documenting where you were with your son.  That seems to have paid off!

[ForeverDad]

Denial is a typical tactic with BPD.  Anticipate that she'll say you misheard the date or flat out deny saying it (once you demonstrate you have proof otherwise.)  For that reason, probably best to see whether she will repeat her allegation in mediation or before the professionals before you reveal you have proof otherwise.

[LovingDad]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the replies. I have her accusation in a What's-app message, so that is clear. Togheter with my proof.

Today the week got beter. this morning my parents and brother talked to the police. The police told them that the declaration of sexual abuse agianst them, which is made by my stbEx, is declared not admissible. Of course this feels as a relief. Definitily after yesterday where out appointment with parenting mediation went really bad. Now I know why that is. Since last week I noticed a big change again with my stbEx. Now I know why.

Also yesterday the organisation Save Home texted me that they will phone me today about there investigation. Which is now a good thing for me, because the police also told my parents they will call Save Home today with there findings.

All in all, I'm having a good day!

Greetings,

LovingDad

[Just GivingBack]

Your doing great.  Keep documenting.  Dates and times.  Excel works best.  Blurbs of issues detailing what happened.
Keep it non emotional.  Hard to do of course when they are literally trying to destroy you.  Time you spend with your kid, kids.  I actually had a year literally of everyday dates and times showing that I actually cared for my kids.  Things your stbex did that are not flattering.  Of course I remember for me my tolerance was pretty high.  Lol.  Hang in there.  Always think of your son. 

[david]

I was in a custody eval with my then BPDw. I was seeking more time and the judge ordered an evaluation. My now ex insisted if I got 50/50 or more our boys would be kicked out of their school. She was adamant. I stayed calm and stated, following her logic,  our boys would not be allowed to attend any public school in the state and that didn't sound right. I was very cautious with my words so I would not be viewed as triggering her. The evaluator told ex that she needed to get a letter from the school explaining what she insisted was true. The next meeting ex did not have a letter and simply blamed the school for telling her yet refusing to write it in a letter. She refused to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, she was mistaken.
It took about three years to get to court because ex kept dragging things out. My petition stated that ex was not helping our boys with their school work. I copied every homework. The pile was around 8 inches tall. My attorney put the pile on the judges bench. There were three piles, one for the court, one for ex, and one for me. The top piece of paper had condensed all the data. I forget the exact number but over 95 % of all homework was done when the boys were with me even though ex had the majority of time during the school year. Evidence holds more weight in court than verbal testimony. It must be presented as evidence. I will never figure out how ex was unable to change her behavior for those three years and I was able to get so much proof.
Document, document, document.

[sfbayjed]

Don't trust Lawyers.

Stop worrying about her accusations.
Legally al you have to do is file a response, reference the line number of her accusation and write "deigned". You will make a better impression with the court by not being reactive. I learned this the hard way. Act like everyone already knows she is nuts.

What you really have to worry about now is your BPD trying to brainwash your child into believing what she says is true.  In my opinion, you need to have a talk with your child about it.

Also, I haven't done this yet, but I think its a good idea to sue in small claims for defamation every time she accuses you of something.

[ForeverDad]

Don't trust Lawyers.

I sometimes got frustrated with my lawyer, that he never tried to get my "temporary" order improved.  It was a long and miserable 23.5 months.  On the other hand, it did work out fine (eventually) and he didn't charge an arm and a leg.

I still think he wasn't quite proactive enough, but he did a good job.  I doubt any other local lawyer would have done better.

Legally all you have to do is file a response, reference the line number of her accusation and write "denied". You will make a better impression with the court by not being reactive. I learned this the hard way. Act like everyone already knows she is nuts.

I actually had my most excellent Custody Evaluator write in his preliminary report something slightly negative about me.  He wrote that I had submitted my son's therapy records, some 200+ pages, with stickies throughout identifying all the lies my then-stbEx had told son's therapist.  I thought I was being super thorough.  Essentially he indicated I was obsessing about every little thing.

Yes, be sure the important issues are addressed but realize that court won't care that not every little thing will get fixed.  Let Ex appear to be the complaining problem parent.  You be the parent seen as the one with balance, perspective and practical solutions.

[toomanydogs]

Don't trust Lawyers.

Why? Even lawyers who represent you?

Also, I haven't done this yet, but I think its a good idea to sue in small claims for defamation every time she accuses you of something.

This interests me. Not only has my STBX accused me of everything from death threats to having lovers, my STBX-FIL has accused me of behaving criminally in handling the money my STBX and I lived on.
I'd love to sue that man.

TMD