For the past month, every day I feel the weight of my father's anguish, fear and pain. And on top of that he places even more on me. He puts it on me the pain he is going through, the loneliness he feels, the hopelessness he suffers. But worse still is that he puts it on me the possibility that he might hurt himself or end his own life. And he keeps telling me this.
So I am terrified, and sad, and so damn tired.
Aloneinlondon:Welcome! I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your parents are placing you in the middle of their breakup and are using you as their therapist. That isn't fair to you.
I'm sorry you had difficulty in trying to reach a helpline. I'm guessing by you alias that you might live in London. You might check out the help line for the UK area at the website below:
https://www.samaritans.org/I know your dad doesn't want psychiatric care, but you need to call the police the next time he talks about suicide (or whatever agency serves your community in this regard) . You can't fix him. He needs professional help.
You need to take care of yourself. It had to be frustrating to try to reach out to a helpline and have difficulty connecting. Perhaps you could give it another try? It could help you to get some counseling for you, during this difficult time.
There is a link towards the bottom of the page for info. about suicide prevention.