Emotionally drained and physically tired

[aloneinlondon]

I am so tired. Just exhausted, and drained. I all I want is to rest, to not have to worry constantly, to not carry someone else's emotional baggage. I am so tired.

I think my father has BPD.  It has not been formally diagnosed as he refuses to seek any kind of medical help, let a lone psychiatric care.  Growing up, I never knew how toxic this relationship was, until I moved out and saw that other people did not cry all the time, did not argue with their parents all the time, did not feel so helpless all the damn time.

But it was still manageable (not healthy, but manageable) until the last month, when finally my mother decided to leave.  Since then I have spent hours every night on the phone with my father or mother, or one after the other to support them emotionally.  I wake up, and my father is already texting me, I get to work and we continue to text, by afternoon he calls me in desperate need to talk to me immediately so I have to leave work to spend the next few hours on the phone with him until it is the middle of the night.  I sleep for a few hours and in the morning the tirade continues.  I am carrying on with little sleep, and no time to myself to think or relax or exercise or just be alone.  Everyday feels like a marathon.

I try to be there for my father and my mother during this time, but I too need support.  Yet there's no one there to support me, to listen to me, to lend me a shoulder and dry my tears.  I tried calling a helpline three times, but the line kept cutting out.  So here I am looking for an outlet.

For the past month, every day I feel the weight of my father's anguish, fear and pain.  And on top of that he places even more on me.  He puts it on me the pain he is going through, the loneliness he feels, the hopelessness he suffers. But worse still is that he puts it on me the possibility that he might hurt himself or end his own life.  And he keeps telling me this.

So I am terrified, and sad, and so damn tired.

[Zabava]

Im so sorry you are being put through this.  You are not responsible for your fathers feelings and you should not sacrifice your own well being to try and fix your parents.  It's not your responsibility.  You have to take care of yourself.  Please keep reaching out for help. 

[No-One]

For the past month, every day I feel the weight of my father's anguish, fear and pain.  And on top of that he places even more on me.  He puts it on me the pain he is going through, the loneliness he feels, the hopelessness he suffers. But worse still is that he puts it on me the possibility that he might hurt himself or end his own life.  And he keeps telling me this.

So I am terrified, and sad, and so damn tired.

Aloneinlondon:
Welcome!  I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  Your parents are placing you in the middle of their breakup and are using you as their therapist.  That isn't fair to you.

I'm sorry you had difficulty in trying to reach a helpline.  I'm guessing by you alias that you might live in London.  You might check out the help line for the UK area at the website below:
https://www.samaritans.org/

I know your dad doesn't want psychiatric care, but you need to call the police the next time he talks about suicide (or whatever agency serves your community in this regard) .  You can't fix him.  He needs professional help.

You need to take care of yourself.  It had to be frustrating to try to reach out to a helpline and have difficulty connecting.  Perhaps you could give it another try?  It could help you to get some counseling for you, during this difficult time.

There is a link towards the bottom of the page for info. about suicide prevention.

[boatingwoman]

Take care of yourself. That is all you are obligated to do.

Your parents are adults and this is their mess. It is not yours.

It is not your problem to handle. It is wrong of them to vent on you.

You don’t have to reply right away or answer the phone every time. You have to keep yourself healthy, well and balanced.

Good luck.