Buying our BPD daughter a car...

[MomSA]

Good morning all,

Our daughter is needing a car to get to and from her job. We have lent her our pick up but its impacting our lives too much to be on 1 car at home. So we have bought her a car she can use.

She is in therapy and doing well and is much more stable now that we are all practising our DBT skills.

However, it is early days. Anything could trigger her at work...

We have put into a contract what we would expect from her, things like:

1. No drinking, no drugs (ever) and no texting and driving.
2. It is always safely locked behind gates or in a garage.
3. It is properly cared for (don’t leave trash in it, park under trees with birds, drive recklessly etc)
4. ABSOLUTELY no-one else may drive it expect her as this has insurance issues.
5. She remain employed.
6. Should she choose to move out, the car does not automatically go with her.
7. If she “takes flight” with the car, we will report it as stolen to SAPS.
8. If she are stopped at a roadblock and are under the influence of any substance or if any substances are found in the car, the car will be taken from her.
9. If she damages the car,  the she will pay insurance excesses
10. She pays for petrol, annual tyre change and insurance.

We have also stated that she will be given the car should she maintain her work and therapy for an unstated (long) period.

Do you think this is too complicated?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

I think it might be a lot for her to process. Do you think you could edit it down? I think it is great you are putting this in writing. It will help to avoid misunderstandings in the future.

[MomSA]

I think it might be a lot for her to process. Do you think you could edit it down? I think it is great you are putting this in writing. It will help to avoid misunderstandings in the future.

Yes this is my concern...

[PeaceMom]

Hi-just a quick note-in our experience lengthy, detailed contracts have never worked. Our DDuBPD19 would never sit long enough to process this. We stick with the KISS method (keep it simple, stupid!) We, being the “stupid” ones. I have to remind my DH of this weekly as he has drafted at least 10 full page contracts over the years. I don’t think my DD has the cognitive ability to fully appreciate this type of detail. As of now, she got a small car loan and bought a very inexpensive used car in her name only. We pay her insurance. She belongs to AAA for emergency maintenance. Recently, her battery died and the car had to sit for 10 days until she had $ to buy a new battery. As of today, she knows if she gets into legal trouble regarding the car, we will offer zero help.