Intense explanations

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Interesting how seemingly innocuous subjects can potentially escalate. Fortunately this one didn't.
I had said to my sister the other day not to put a hot cup on the table without a coaster underneath as it marks the table. At that time she said she hardly ever does it. I've seen it being done several times and yes there are marks on the table. Simple request and no it's not the end of the world.
So a week later she does it again whilst I'm there and I ask her not to do it in what I thought was normal conversation. She again said she hardly ever does it and I said that she actually does it a lot. The point is, she always has to be right...so she says...I don't do it a lot,  I only do it with a cool cup (it wasn't ) which leaves no mark, I prefer to have a tissue under it,  a myriad of explanations which takes far longer than the topic requires,  going into exquisite detail, not leaving any stone unturned, about how she is right about the cup. So I don't do any more defending, simply leave it with an ok/aha! I won't be surprised if she herself brings up the cup scenario again.

[Kayclan]

Interesting how seemingly innocuous subjects can potentially escalate. Fortunately this one didn't.
I had said to my sister the other day not to put a hot cup on the table without a coaster underneath as it marks the table. At that time she said she hardly ever does it. I've seen it being done several times and yes there are marks on the table. Simple request and no it's not the end of the world.
So a week later she does it again whilst I'm there and I ask her not to do it in what I thought was normal conversation. She again said she hardly ever does it and I said that she actually does it a lot. The point is, she always has to be right...so she says...I don't do it a lot,  I only do it with a cool cup (it wasn't ) which leaves no mark, I prefer to have a tissue under it,  a myriad of explanations which takes far longer than the topic requires,  going into exquisite detail, not leaving any stone unturned, about how she is right about the cup. So I don't do any more defending, simply leave it with an ok/aha! I won't be surprised if she herself brings up the cup scenario again.

[Harri]

Hi kayclan.

I'm glad this did not escalate.  I can see how it would be frustrating.  I used to get caught up in those conversations all the time.  They drove me bonkers! 

So I don't do any more defending, simply leave it with an ok/aha! I won't be surprised if she herself brings up the cup scenario again.

Good you don't defend anymore.  And I agree, she probably will bring it up again... let her. 

I think choosing your battles, or asking yourself "is this the hill I want to die on" is good!   

What do you think would happen if you just said, "It does not matter how often it may or may not happen... I don't want it to happen at all.  Please use a coaster from now on"?  And then drop it.

thoughts?

[Kayclan]

The cup subject did not come up again. If it does then I'll try that tactic. I've  had peaceful day.

[Kayclan]

Well I haven't spoken to sister about anything controversial. There is stuff I need to address with her as she is still in my house. I'm so tired. I feel like I have to be rested when I approach her with my important issues such as paying for utlities, always listening to her utube in the lounge area, finding her own place etc. Problem is that I never feel rested anymore. I've got so much of my own stuff to do as well that I've left and am anxious about those things. I have little reserve left in me and any other stressor that comes my way really knocks me about. Is what I'm doing called walking on eggshells?