BPD dd coming home from college today-HELP

[smilepretty]

My 19yr old BPD dd is coming home from college today, leaving her boyfriend of 6 months behind.  Coming home to no friends in her hometown and no job yet to speak of.  My non BPD 16 year old dd is a mess.  So much anxiety, stress, dread (on top of being a junior in HS and dealing with all that brings).  I don' t know how to comfort her.  She is anticipating a summer of nasty insults, entitlement issues, and my BPDdd thinking she rules the house.  I don't like feeling like I have to chose between their happiness, and nothing I do makes my BPDdd happy anyway.  It was nonBPD's prom last weekend, BPDdd snapchatted and said "pretty" in the first pic, then "ugly" in the second pic, followed up with "get it? pretty ugly!" Why is that freakin' necessary? That is the type of behavior my nonBPDdd is anticipating.  I reached out to a therapist, hoping she can talk it out but until that happens, I might be  hitting the pinot this weekend.

What can I do? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

 The therapist is for your daughter?  Will she go?
Just as important, I suggest you also get a therapist for yourself as well. 
Read up on BPD, the library list of books here, etc.  Try CODA and/or Alanon meetings as they assist with detachment from the BPD. 
She will be going back to school in the fall , hopefully, so you have about three-ish months to get through.  Did she have any melt downs at college?

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Smile Pretty
It sounds like you are in for an "interesting" summer. Maybe we can think of some ways to make it less so. The word that keeps coming to my mind when I think about you and your two daughters is boundaries. Are you clear about what your own core values are and what limits come from them? Here is a great article that explains what I mean about boundaries as an expression of personal values: Boundaries

[Only Human]

I don' t know how to comfort her.  She is anticipating a summer of nasty insults, entitlement issues, and my BPDdd thinking she rules the house.  I don't like feeling like I have to chose between their happiness, and nothing I do makes my BPDdd happy anyway.

What a tough spot you are in, smilepretty! As for comforting D16, I suggest validate, validate, validate! She's got a lot of history that fuels her fears.

Self-care will be vital, I know that I'm not at my best when I neglect my own needs. Reaching out to a therapist is great - do you have an appointment?

Hang in there, SP - we've got you! Please come back and let us know how it's going. We can help you get through this, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

~ OH

[wendydarling]

Hi smilepretty

How's it going?  I can imagine it's like balancing a see-saw for you. For your youngest to understand through therapy and build her skills now, like you are is key for her as you'll read out again and again on the siblings board.

Do you have plans for the summer? Some tender loving care?

WDx