I would recommend reading these books. Sounds like my upwBPD. I fully understand this behaviour. I'm struggling to fined time when I get validated. Sorry to hear your struggle with this.
'Controlling people" By Patricia Evens. are also really good
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition : When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
In Sheep's Clothing : Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
I've just read more about self differentiation and I think it flows a lot into this criticism thing.
I think the criticism is about my parenting is all about being one up, triangulation with our children.
I really like this post after reading those books.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=336861.msg13055210#msg13055210