Do things get better?

[Bluepaint]

For the last 18 months my other half has been being treated for EUPD alongside various other mental health issues. Treatment for all of these have been hampered by the reckless, implusive actions they take. There have been numerous police, ambulance, mental health team visits resulting in many hospital stays & sections. I thought we'd reached rock bottom after their suicide attempt after their child and I had to leave in response to a threat to harm me. Things seemed to be moving to a more even keel after my partner was released from a longer stay in a secure unit. The medication was seemingly helping them & they were closer to being the caring partner I fell for.
It stayed this way until a month ago. They started drinking excessively. To a point they could hardly stand & while I tried to talk to them it was impossible. The conversations were repeated every five minutes. I would just get spoken to poorly, have to care for their child, clean up the mess my partner left & get told to leave if I didn't like it as I didn't understand. The police & ambulance visits escalated again. Another section.
I've been left again trying to hold everything together. Social services have left my partners child in my care & while I love them dearly I already work full time so I'm shattered. My partner is still expecting me to run around for them on top of the housework & is making me feel bad for not visiting them regularly in hospital.
Is this what I should expect as a normal day to day life with a BDP partner? I understand relapses are not 100% avoidable but is there a chance of a sustained 'calm' period? I do not want to sound selfish but I'm finding the constant stress, walking on eggshells when broaching concerns & being unable to make plans unless it of interest to my partner extremely frustrating. I love my partner and their child. I am also not an angry person but my patience in running thin & am struggling to take anymore in my stride.
I'm hoping by speaking to others in a similar situation will provide some reassurance & any tips you can offer would be much appreciated.
Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Bluepaint, I'm so sorry you've gone without answers! You're very welcome here


I hope you'll stick around. As you read more and post more, you'll see that we are so many who truly understand what's going on in your life, and we're here for you. It has clearly been really hard for you, a lot of stressful and harmful situations.

You ask if this is what you should expect as a normal day to day life with a BPD partner. Everyone is different and has more or less traits of BPD, but what is sure is that there are contract actions you can take to make life better for who while remaing in the relationship. We have tools and tips, videos and articles to help guide you. And we're here as well for when you need to vent, share or ask any question.

Have you read anything about this before? Since you mention "walking on eggshells": Theres the book Stop Walking On Eggshell, it's good.

You are kind to take care of the child to give them a more stable life. How old is the child?

[Bluepaint]

Hi Scarlet
Thank you for your reply and welcome.
Their child is 14 but for a teen is wonderful which has been a blessing and worry at the same time. I know this has been affecting them and not sure how to help ease their pain.
I have been reading a lot of the articles and have found the one concerning acknowleging my partners feelings before discussing an issue very helpful. Am suprised their care team did not offer this type of coaching but very greatful I have somewhere to start now.
Will definately look up the book you mentioned too.
I have to admit after reading other people's posts I understand there are many people who facing similar challenges so its in a way it's nice to know I'm not alone while still being unsure what to say to offer support.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi again,
The child is lucky to have you on their side, I can see your affection for them. At 14 they could maybe be at an age where they could be explained a bit more about their parent's behaviours, for example through a therapist or a book. I don't have any kids, but what do you think? Is it too early or not the right time? We have this information on Children of a BPD parent.

It's great that you're reading posts and articles here. I remember finding this community and spending hours reading. I had no idea what I was dealing with and it was a lifesaver to have the support here. You are most definitely not alone   

You've been reading about validation, I think? A very useful skill to master, both with our BPD partner and in life in general. I also found it really useful to learn about Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits, it helped me to sort through what was acceptable to ask of me and what was too much.